Bah!

Okay so Carrieberry video updating didn't work. Damn.
Also I just put the baby down in her crib (since the only working computer is in her room and I'm supposed to be putting her down more) and now I have cats fighting over my lap space. Actually Bagheera is the only one fighting, Willow is exploring the mess that is the office and knocking shit over and making as much noise as possible so it will wake the baby up and I will have to pick her up. Case in point, she just climbed into one of the ten dozen empty baby gift bags full of tissue paper on the desk and then promptly fell off the desk rolling around in the bag and knocked over half a stack of parenting magazines. Ugh.
So I'll go as long as I can before one of these naughty Bengals ruin it for you. Trust lately, the cats have been ruining a lot of stuff. Like laptops. On the plus side, apparently the new laptop we are getting is much smaller, and Seth thinks he may be able to salvage the old one if he can find a new motherboard. Fingers crossed people! Then I will have my very own laptop and I won't care that my husband turned "my" desktop computer into some weird server thing using words like "Linux" and "Ubuntu" (I would like to go ahead and apologize to anyone who was searching those words in google and ended up here. As a consultation if you do have questions about those two topics, I'm sure my husband can assist you, just leave your question and I'll ask him)

Last night Seth says to me, "You know, in two weeks, we are supposed to start making her sleep in her crib in her own room" (this is after I waited an hour, after putting the baby in her bassinet and waiting in bed for some adult alone time, then giving up and getting the baby and going to sleep). In fact I did not know that, and lets be honest here, I don't really plan on putting that into action unless he makes me, and then I'll just wait until he is asleep and sneak in and get her and if he asks I'll be like "oh she woke up" and he wouldn't know the difference because he literally slept thru her mental break at 4:30 this morning when she farted and it must have hurt so she woke up and screamed for half an hour. She gets that from him, the being afraid of pooping and farting. I tried to bore a hole in his head with evil deathstare but he didn't even MOVE. For a minute I worried he was dead, but then he started snoring so I knew he wasn't, just apparently DEAF.
Anyway, I'll admit, if you had told me before she was born, or even when she was in the NICU that we would be cosleeping or family sleeping I would have told you that you were full of it. Hot flaming it in fact. I even owe my mom about a thousand apologies because after she got us yelled at for sleeping with Evie in the NICU I gave her a lecture on co-sleeping (sorry Mom, as always, you were right).
See what they don't tell you in the scary co-sleeping stories is how good it feels. How complete you feel, how loved you feel. And also how you don't have to get up out of a warm bed and soothe your baby every time she fusses. How you seem to get an ability to jiggle her on your chest back to sleep. They also neglect to tell you that most of the people who roll over on their kids and smother them are drunk or high. Oh and also that you will get vomited on a lot if they sleep on you. This morning Evelynn blew out her diaper FROM THE TOP. I'm so not kidding. I was like, oh, is that vomit? Nope, that's warm fresh shit. On your PJ's. And they don't tell you that you have to set up everything you need in a like arms reach radius because getting up with a baby on your chest requires incredible ab strength you probably don't possess. But still, the amazing feeling you get feeling your child breath with you trumps all of that annoying stuff. And so go ahead and admonish me in the comments because nothing you say can erase that feeling.

Speaking of owing my Mom things, I owe her a million thanks for my clean house. LORD it is amazing. They cleaned things, changed our bed sheets. I mean today is trash day so when I put Evie down I went to pull all of the trash and it was already taken out, by the cleaning service, and I was like, "oh, well, okay, I guess I'll go write a blog or something" so thank my Mom for today's blog. Seth was so impressed. He came out and was complimenting the way they restructured his bathroom and how they got rid of ALL the mold that he is deathly allergic to out of his shower, something I can NEVER quite do. Or how they got the stovetop to sparkle, something that I can hardly do even after HOURS of scrubbing it and a numb hand. He sighed and said "I wish the house could always be like this" and I snarkly replied, because I felt mildly insulted like my cleaning wasn't enough for him "it could, all you have to do is hire the cleaning service once a month" and then I literally heard his butt cheeks tighten and he blustered about unexpected expenses and laptops busting and canceling cable, which always shuts me up or zones me out.

Dude I just got up to see if the baby was still breathing. Does that ever go away? Will I ever stop doing that? I wish she snored, then I would just know and not feel like a freak tiptoeing over to the side of her crib and peeking over the edge while I hold my breath.

I finally found something that I am naturally good at. Making breast milk. I am like the champ, and Nurse Carol says that I make awesome breast milk because it's a good color, full of rich cream and obviously working for my baby because she is gaining weight and well above her development milestones. I wish I could find a way to sell my breast milk because I literally can pump an extra 8 oz's a day, on top of feeding my kid 12 times a day. I already have enough breast milk in my freezer to stop feeding her and be able to have her drink breast milk until she is six months old. There should seriously be a market for breastmillk. I'm thinking of advertising on Craigslist. Do people still employ wet nurses? What happened to that art? I finally find my natural talent and the employment field is obsolete. This must be what milkmen felt like when people stopped getting home delivery. Or door to door vacuum salesmen...

I've found an incentive, besides our good friend Holly, who volunteered to walk with me, to keep walking with Evie. I got a really good book and I put it in Evie's stroller and now when I think about the book and want to know what happens next, I have to take Evie for a walk so I can read it in the park. But I have to do that in the early afternoon before the screaming brats get to the park. Some of those kids are down right scary. Yesterday for some reason their was an ambulance, two police cars, and a fire truck parked in front of the park entrance. Seth was going to see what was going on, but I needed him to hold the baby while I finished dinner.

I've got the coolest lazy lady dinner trick for you all. I've been getting out the crockpot and throwing some frozen meat in (be it chicken or roast or even hamburger) and then getting one of those grillmate marinade packets (they were on sale a couple months ago so I got every flavor for Seth, but he never knows enough ahead of time that he wants to grill to marinade something) and mixing those up and throwing them in the crock pot with the meat and a little extra water. Then I crank the crock pot up and in about two hours, voila, instant impressive dinner. I don't have to trim any fat or dirty a dozen pans or wait for something to defrost. All I have to do is know what kind of grillmate packet I want to use, and have 1/4 of a cup of oil, water, and vinegar for it. Magical. Maybe when Evie can sit by herself for more than five minutes awake I will actually do more impressive dinners.

I just painted my toenails. Something I haven't done since before Evie was born. Is this an awesome day or what?

Alright, while there is a break in the rain I'm going to wake up Birdie, change her probably full diaper, and take her for a quick walk before the hooligans get home from school.

Oh, look who's a mind reader and just woke herself up with farts?

Love (my little tooter and my awesome Mom),
Carrie