Hello blog world! Long time no read! As you might have imagined, being a Mom all day and night long is quite the undertaking. Especially Evelynn. Sometimes she plays independently but most of the time you have to at least keep one eye on her while she destroys the house. And usually shits her pants three times a day. Ahh motherhood.
We stopped breastfeeding last month. (which by the way, was heartbreaking, more than I thought it would be. I thought it would be totally liberating, and it wasn't, it was a randomly start crying at weird times of day thing) And the day of Evie's birthday party, I got my first period the day of her birthday party. How fortuitous. So now we are starting the process of trying all over again. I think I blocked everything I learned about conception last time. When you are in the middle of trying to conceive, you absorb so much information and it just envelopes you and becomes your every thought. For some reason, everything I spent a year absorbing has gone right out my head. I couldn't remember anything! So now I'm trying to relearn everything. Thank goodness for the internet!
As Evelynn grows older and more independent, I sometimes find myself resenting her independence. I want her to stay tiny and needing me forever. The resentment started when she stopped breastfeeding. I thought, for the rest of my life, she is slowly going to need me less and less. How do I handle this? Without being bitter and a bad mom? So I try to count my blessings with her. But, sometimes the resentment sneaks in, but the sentiment always has the best intentions. Like this:
-I'm so glad you are able to feed yourself Evelynn! Yay! Wait no, stop smashing cheese into the carpet. Sit still! No the kitty doesn't want your cheese. Damn it! Hey do you want to breastfeed? No? *Sob*
-Evelynn, you want me to read this book to you? Yay! I'm glad you love books! Okay *reads book* All done! What you want me to read it again? *repeat x4* okay Mommy cannot read "Curious Kitties" anymore. Please. Go find something else to read. Please??
-Yay! Evelynn is talking! Listen to all her funny sounds and words. I wonder what she is saying? I'm so glad she's talking. *four hours of continuous babbling later* Evie! Let's try using our whisper voice! No, not shouting, whisper!
-Oh look! She can open drawers! She is so smart! Wait, why is she pulling everything out of the drawers...stop it! No! No! Where did I put that safety locking crap?
-Evie's getting teeth! They are so cute. Look she is giving my arm a kiss! OWWW! No biting! Shit they are like kitten teeth, they are so sharp! What the hell??
Well, at least she's beautiful when she sleeps.
Love (growing up),
Carrie
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