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May or May Not Monday

I may or may not have thrown a dinner party this weekend and came to several conclusions.  I failed to count for the need to have butts in chairs because I was serving spaghetti and meatballs.  I clearly need to find a better dining space for people when I throw parties.  Or serve shit on sticks so people don't have to sit down to eat. I also failed to properly maintain the kid factor.  I did nothing to entertain them and had not really thought of them eating.  I fed them first but few of them really ate, wanting to play more.  After that the children descended into mob mentality madness that has scarred the cats forever I'm afraid.

I may or may not have spent my entire Mother's Day in my bed.

I may or may not be planning to wash the sheets tomorrow.  After spending an entire day in them the are a little bit groady.

I may or may not be doing everything in my power to get a new car.  Scrimping and saving and begging my husband everyday.  We just need a bigger car, especially with visiting family and having to pick people up from the airport.  I may or may not have cancelled a vacation to save for this car, that's how badly I want it.  No NEED it.

I may or may not have a love hate relationship with TV from books. Like Game of Thrones.  I loved those books and to know what is going to happen next almost ruins the tv show for me.

I may or may not have cried during this week's episode of 16 & Pregnant.  Babies who have breathing problems and end up in the NICU hit way too close to home.

I may or may not also cringe when I watch 16 & Pregnant and see the parents go straight to formula.  I try really really hard not to be judgmental against Mom's who use formula, but something tells me these girls don't even try.

I may or may not need a nap.  Like lots of naps, successively.  I'm angry I wasted naps as a child.

I may or may not be getting VERY excited for my parents visit.

I may or may not be looking forward to the neighborhood GARBAGE sale this weekend.  UGH.  Hate GARBAGE sales.  And no, that is not a misspelling.

I may or may not have ended this post early to meet the "Monday" deadline.

May or May Not Monday

I may or may not hate myself for these being the only blog posts I can write consistently.

I may or may not be completely obsessed with being friends with my new neighbors next door.  Seth tells me I'm going to smother them and scare them away, but I'm hoping that they are just as lonely as I am and just as desperate for human interaction with people that don't shit their pants.  The thought of just shouting over the fence and having a conversation is something that seems so impossibly magical to me that I am dying to make it happen.  Plus she is just as completely un p.c. as I am.  And I think this will make for a great friendship.

I  may or may not be doing 50 things at once and getting none of them done completely.  For example I am in the office writing this, but I keep glancing around and seeing things I need to do, like address our "moving" cards and keep "squirelling!" and not finishing this post.

I may or may not want, more than anything a new fucking cellphone for Mother's Day.  Seth has already informed me he forgot mother's day completely.  Shit.

I may or may not be counting the seconds to Happy Hour at Sonic today.

I may or may not have had to take my son to the ER at 11 last night because he cracked his head open again.  I'm starting to worry he has a balance disorder.  My dad has one and I thought it wasn't genetic but now I'm thinking it is.  But I seriously do not want to go to the ER ever again.  Also I need to know where to invest in skin glue, in bulk.  Thank GOD we have made friends with our lovely neighbors mentioned above and I just happened to be Facebook chatting with her when Lukas rolled off the bed and caught the corner of the dresser.  I may or may not have taken him to a different ER then the one two weeks ago to avoid judgement.

I may or may not have stopped writing this post to drive to Sonic.

I  may or may not still wear shoes in the house and have yet to go barefoot because the carpet still grosses me out.

I may or may not be stopping this post to go take a nap.

Love (honesty, or not),
Carrie

May or May Not Monday

a.k.a the only thing I've done consistently in MONTHS

I may or may not despise my phone, almost enough to be okay to get a new one.  It spends most of its time on the charger and I turn into a raging banshee if anyone touches it.  I even get bent out of shape if people call me.  Not only do I hate talking on the phone, but now it causes my charger to shake and stop charging.  I may or may not be praying my husband gets a minute to get us new phones.

I may or may not be forcing my children to play together.  Which causes me much drama.  I spend a good portion of my day breaking up fights.  I'm starting to wonder if I'm doing the right thing here.

I may or may not have had a total breakdown Friday night.  To the point that I drank the leftover bottle of celebratory champagne left in the fridge.  I NEVER, RARELY EVER, drink.  The next day God rewarded me with 2 early rising children who just discovered that I unpacked their walking popper.

I may or may not have spent all day doing laundry because I fell back asleep after Evie handed me her night milk before I got a chance to put it back on the nightstand.  When I fell asleep the milk spilled for an hour.  So all my duvets were soaked thru.  And my dryer has started to smell again, I suspect to the constant use today.  But I'm so terrified of the stinky, toilet using Russians that showed up to fulfill our warranty contract that I hesitate to call them back out again.

I may or may not have fallen asleep because I spend most of my nights in anxiety ridden ANGST over the fact that my daughter has started sleeping in her own room.  She usually comes in around 5 am, but I usually have just come to peace with her being in the other room and fallen asleep myself by then.  I may or may not blame her sleeping in her room entirely on my husband.  But its not his fault, she does it mostly on her own.

I may or may not need a SAHM job.  I want a new car and new tvs and half of IKEA.  But legitimate ones of those that don't involve selling shit are few and far between.  This may or may not completely frustrate me.

I may or may not need to go break up a kid fight as we speak, cutting this blog post short.

Love (my kids),
Carrie

May or May not Monday

I may or may not be writing this Sunday night at 11 while watching Game of Thrones.

I may or may not find it frustrating to watch Game of Thrones, especially with my husband, because I've read the books.

I may or may not have had the worst Easter weekend, ever.

I may or may not be considering helmet for my son.

I may or may not have had to go to the ER, due to a pinky tip sized puncture wound on my son's head.

I may or may not be so sick of boxes, but even more sick of the crap in them.

I may or may not be seriously purging my shit.

I may or may not want Sonic and Target giftcards for the rest of my life.

I may or may not have actually made a half way decent Easter dinner.

I may or may not giggle when my atheist brother calls Easter "Zombie Jesus Day".

I may or may not be covered in painful bruises due to boxes and poorly navigating new placement of furniture.

I may or may not love my garden tub.

I may or may not have missed my Dad to the point I was almost sick when I had to sit in the hospital curtained area by myself with my son and hold him down while they put the glue on.  Or when my daughter was so upset for causing his wound that she kept saying "my apologies!  My APOLOGIES!" and was crying more than he was.

I may or may not be learning to love my kitchen.  Tonite I chose to do extra dish washing so I could watch the kids play in the backyard.  Shortly after I turned away and my son chose to eat concrete for the second time this weekend, I suspect aided by his sister, but we can't get a straight story from her.

I may or may not have enjoyed my time in the ER because it was the first time I sat down, besides seven minutes for dinner, all day.

Love (dreaming about not having to unpack boxes),
Carrie

May or May Not Monday

It's time for May or May Not Monday!  Visit my inspiration at her blog for her weekly confession.

I may or may not have been appalled when I saw the washer and dryer that came with our house.  It was circa 1995 at least.  They didn't match and they looked like the kind of washer and dryer that NEVER DIE.  Seth told me that until they died, we couldn't even consider getting new ones.  I may or may not have said "challenge accepted" on Facebook, but in reality I may or may not have really liked the damn things once I started using them.  They were big and I am notorious for overloading my washer and dryer.  I could fit my king sized comforters with room to spare.
The dryer may or may not have started to royally fuck up our clothes, something is happening and it makes our clothes smell like we stood in front of the grill at a BBQ.  I tried changing the settings so there was barely any heat and no dice, still unbearable.
I may or may not be disappointed.
I also may or may not be totally grumpy about having to deal with the home warranty baloney that we will have to deal with to get it fixed.   Although I am very grateful that we got one.  But I was more hoping that it would be for something vastly more catastrophic, not my dryer that I was planning to use in the basement once I got new ones a few years from now.

Its our last week in the hotel and I may or may not be getting a bit sentimental and starting to think I will miss it.  Of course the maid service and the free breakfast and free dinner three days a week, I'm going to miss my lackadaisical attitude about spills, messes, and stains.  Yesterday Lukas may or may not have peed on the carpet while we were getting ready to go to the pool and I may or may not have shrugged my shoulders and walked away.  And I'm going to miss all that free hot water.

I may or may not be incredibly sad that we are missing Easter at my parents.  I may or may not have tried every possible way to try and make it work, but with our goods being delivered on Friday and Saturday there is just no way I can make it there and back.
I may or may not be able to tell my mom how sad it makes me because I'm so tired of making her sad about us not being there.

I may or may not get incredibly jealous when my friends and family do things together and then post pictures or talk about it on facebook.  I may or may not hope this passes, because it is completely not fair and I don't want everyone to mope around for years.  But I may or may not have wished people would just get together and talk about how much they missed me.

I may or may not have spent so much at Ikea that I'm afraid to ever go back there.  There person who actually spent so  much at Ikea may or may not have been my husband just throwing random things in the cart.  I may or may not be taking the blame because he has to keep up his Ikea hatred.  I think it comes with his man card.

I may or may not really dislike my son's attitude most of the time.  Where my daughter would just pout if we told her no, my son may throw epic fits complete with foot stomps, throwing things, flopping on the floor, screaming, and swinging fists.  He is also suffering from "if my sister can do it so can I".  I may or may not find this incredibly frustrating.  I may or may not be pretending that his sister never acted like this but I may or may not be mentally blocking it.  Like the pain of labor.

I may or may not have found an age spot under my eye and I may or may not be totally freaking out about it.  Especially since someone on facebook suggested that my joke that it may be cancer may actually not be a joke.

Love (hotel living),
Carrie

May or May Not Monday

I may or may not have stolen this idea from my lovely friend over at http://butamereshadow.blogspot.com/

I may or may not have stolen an obscene amount of shampoo, conditioner, soap, tea, milk, and paper towels from the hotel.  But they way I see it, we pay for it.  Also I'm collecting for all of the family and friends I am hoping visit us.

I may or may not have an appointment with the aquatics director at the Y closest to us today and I may or may not have talked myself in and out of cancelling it.  We already have a pool in our community and I don't see myself going to the Y or needing it unless Evie doesn't get into the free preschool.  I also may or may not like the rule that I have to be in the pool with her until she is like 8, even during lessons.  I also may or may not have a better plan for that money, like putting together my reading nook.

I may or may not have gotten so angry that my hotel didn't carry PBS that I binge watched the new seasons of "Call the Midwife" and "Mr. Selfridge".

I may or may not have gotten my necklace caught in the shopping cart while kissing Evie in Home Depot and broke the clasp.  I may or may not have had a total anxiety attack about it.  Its still not fixed and it is making me crazy.

I may or may not hate eating breakfast.  But because of the aforementioned may or may not, I may have to go down and get milk for the kids.

I may or may not have started being even more critical of my body since moving to Colorado.  I very rarely see an out of shape or overweight person and it makes me very self conscious.

I may or may not miss my family and friends so badly it almost hurts to talk to them.  But I may or may not get really upset when they don't call me or talk to me daily, as if I'm forgotten or not important to them anymore.

I may or may not have started showering in the morning. It started because Lukas likes to crap his pants and rub his breakfast all over his face.  Now there is a huge (minus Seth) family shower, I may or may not be sad about this ending once we move into the new house.  Water and towels are free here.  Not at the new house.

I may or may not be falling in love with my new house, especially since the new paint has gone up.  My husband's excitement may or may not be contributing to this.  He is so giddy and happy, its so great to see.

I may or may not worry about our new house, even though there isn't much in it, when we are not there.  I also may or may not worry about our hotel room because its where all our stuff is.  I can't wait until we are out of the hotel, but I may or may not miss quite a few things living here.

I may or may not be avoiding posting this because I feel like I have 100 more of these but can't think of them!

Love (new blogging routines),
Carrie

“Well, I know now. I know a little more how much a simple thing like a snowfall can mean to a person” ― Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

Today it is snowing.  And I mean it is SNOWING.  And it makes my heart incredibly happy.
You see because Colorado Springs totes that it gets 300 days of sunshine.  I was on week 2 of constant sunshine and my heart was starting to dry up.  Just shrivel.
BUT TODAY!
Today it is snowing.  Sometimes so hard I can't see out the windows and across the street to the parking lot full of trucks and SUV's.  Usually that lot is full of corvettes and and other sports cars.

I've spent the day doing family paperwork.  Changing addresses, making new doctor's appointments, requesting medical records.  Normally this would make me a hot mess of frustrated and bored.  But today, every time I'm told I need to use my non existent since 1999 fax machine to return a form SOMEONE FUCKING EMAILED TO ME, I look up and out the window to the snow and the mountains and the quiet and I'm okay.  I don't need to mainline a shot of loreazepam to make my next phone call.

I just need to look up.

Because its snowing today.

Tomorrow we close on our house, and my anxiety was THRU THE ROOF and I was overwhelmed and undecided.

But today, today it snowed.

And now I know, its okay here.  In fact, it does one of my favorite things here at random times.  And there aren't many mosquitos in the summer, or so I hear.  And the sectional I picked out will fit in the space I picked out for it.  And the owners left behind paint so we don't have to guess at the color we are going to use to cover up the TEAL walls in Seth's office.  And the laundry room is right next to the kids bedrooms and on their way to the bathrooms so they can strip down and put clothes where I don't have to haul them.  And I still love IKEA and it still has reasonable decorating options.  If I can tear myself away from the duvet section.  And all the windows open in my house so I can get a good breeze moving thru the house.  And my walk in closet can be turned into a reading/couponing nook.

I can see the bright side today, because the sun stopped shining and it snowed.

Love (snow),
Carrie

 

“The only thing worse than a boy who hates you: a boy that loves you.” ― Markus Zusak, The Book Thief

Today's post is about Lukas.  I realize that I completely neglected his story in my years of missed blogging.  This is Lukas:

Well at least that was Lukas when he was born.  But he still has that button nose and those blond eyebrows.
Wait I'll show you:

He like his sister was an early walker.  And since we co sleep, he's also a pretty good sleeper.  He was sleeping thru the night at about a month.  I can't say about how co sleeping makes me a better mother.

Lukas' birth was pretty minimal on the drama, not like Evie's.  I had to actually labor with Lukas which sucked big fat donkey balls.  Give me an induction and epidural straight to the vein when I walk in any day.

Lukas is so different from Evie.  I always thought gender roles were taught, but Lukas is all boy, its almost scary.
He runs head first into things, he is rough and tumble.  He likes high fives and  hugs only when he is tired.  he's already refusing to hold my hand when he walks.  
Lukas has the best smile and the brightest eyes.  He loves his sister and wants to do and be everywhere she is.  Much to her chagrin.  He isn't too much of a cuddler but he loves a good head bonk.  He also loves to eat about 12 times a day.  We joke that he is on his fourth dinner when he heads for bed at night and asks for a string cheese or cracker.

I've been writing this post for three days now.  I feel like I just can't capture his spirit and my incredible love for him and its madding.  Writing is so maddening sometimes.

Love (my boy),
Carrie