Evelynn is six months old...insert first Mommy meltdown here (okay fourth)

Dear Evelynn,
Five months and thirty-one days ago Dr. Carlson called me and said "Are you ready to have a baby?" and I said "Um...no, not really" and she said "Too Bad, we are inducing you, you have high blood pressure" and I said "Yeah I totally cheated on that pee in a jug test, that was Seth's pee." and she said "See you soon."
Then I called everyone and freaked out.
Your Daddy took entirely too long to come home from work.
I had my bags packed and ready to go. I still forgot stuff, both Daddy and Grandma T had to go back and get stuff from the house for me.
I was not ready. How could I be?
How could I be ready for you? You have completely altered my world in ways I am still discovering.
Every hour you make me smile, you make my heart swell. You are so smart and so beautiful it scares me some days. I always used to wonder if I had a twin in this world-now I do, I can't believe some of the things you do that are just like me or just like people around us.
I am so lucky and blessed to spend every second with you, even if sometimes I need a break. Your Daddy makes such a huge sacrifice for us. He wants you to have the world and will do anything to give it to you.
Yesterday you started crawling. I cried. I miss the little newborn who I held for hours in the NICU just willing and praying to get better.
The weather is getting colder and I'm excited to cuddle with you. I can't wait to have conversations with you and read books to you and have you not eat the pages.
But time has gone by too fast already. Six months? Where did they go? I'm pretty sure we slept thru the first two months.
You are eating puffy snacks and solid foods now. I like having you at the table with us, but I miss feeling my breasts ache to feed you. Mostly these days you just have a couple drinks and then take a nap.
I'm glad you are warming up to other people holding you, but I miss feeling smug inside when you wanted only me.
Why is it as you are growing older you are getting messier?
When will I start to have thoughts that aren't random and more put together?
I hope I'm doing a good job. I hope I'm doing that little brain justice. I hope that little tumble we took on the ice before you came didn't damage your noggin. But I know I'm being silly.
Days you are a handful I take you to the store so old ladies can tell me how beautiful and sweet you are. Just to remind myself. Not that I could forget.
Baby tunes drive me nuts. I hope you like the music I'm playing instead.
I can't wait until you can watch "Little Einstein" for more then 5 seconds, because I could watch it for hours.
I need to get you more books. You just spent 20 minutes flipping the pages in your book. Oh and a gate for the stairs-I just caught you headed that way twice!!
As much as I wish you would give me the time to write more-I know you need me more!
Love (my baby),
Carrie