I've noticed I watch the clock a hell of a lot more now than I did before.
And the clock moves slow.
Lukas hasn't been sleeping in like he was when we lived in my parents basement in a room with no windows and room darkening curtains on the french doors.
I always thought in my dream house, our bedroom would have french doors. I know now that I have absolutely no need of french doors. Zero. They let in too much light and in the dark they reflect images that make me pee my pants a little. So no, no more french doors in my dream house. And french doors with curtains that cover the windows is completely counter to the purpose of them. And tacky. Besides the point.
I'm not a "light" person. I'm very much a fall and winter person. I like my days overcast and grey and my nights as pitch black as it can get. I've been reading up on Colorado Springs and apparently they have 300 days of sunshine. Fuck. My third investment in the new house is room darkening curtains. My second is a sectional for the living room, and my first is paint to cover up the HORRID pumpkin accent wall in the kitchen. There are very few things I hate more in this world than anything pumpkin. People who diddle and kill kids is above pumpkin on that list, but not by far.
I do a lot of thinking about a house I've only seen once for 15 minutes. I feel like its another one of those rush decisions, like the money pit (aka Olive Street) that we may come to regret. I hope not, but the fact that I don't even know how many drawers are in my bathroom scares me.
I'm obsessed with the mountains. Its the one thing that makes me exceedingly happy so far. I only wish that we were surrounded by mountains, not just the mountains on one side. I want to innate my facebook with random mountain pictures, but as of yet, I've refrained. Mostly because I only have seen one range of mountains on a quick walk with the kids, otherwise I haven't left the hotel since we arrived. Hopefully we get out and about this weekend. That is, if my husband ever comes home from work today. How in the hell is it only 5?!!?
Love (mountains and darkness),
Carrie
Friday, March 21, 2014
Thursday, March 20, 2014
“She took a step and didn't want to take any more, but she did.” ― Markus Zusak, The Book Thief
Consider A Move
The steady time of being unknown,
in solitude, without friends,
is not a steadiness that sustains.
I hear your voice waver on the phone:
Haven't talked to anyone for days.
I drive around. I sit in parking lots.
The voice zeroes through my ear, and waits.
What should I say? There are ways
to meet people you will want to love?
I know of none. You come out stronger
having gone through this? I no longer
believe that, if I once did. Consider a move,
a change, a job, a new place to live,
someplace you'd like to be. That's not it,
you say. Now time turns back. We almost touch.
Then what is? I ask. What is?”
― Michael Ryan, New and Selected Poems
That's right people, a new chapter has started, we moved to Colorado Springs. For Seth's work. And I am trapped in a 500 foot hotel room for thirty days with my two small children. Which is loads better than yesterday when I was was trapped in a car for 600 miles with two small children.
Being the responsible wonderful mother that I am, I abstained from my addiction, Facebook updating. But I had a LOT of moments where I wanted to update my rampant thoughts.
Like the following:
Whoever gave my daughter 650 stickers for her birthday, THANK YOU, she has been quietly placing them on paper for 200 miles now.
My husband's cruise control is broken, or his foot is, because he cannot maintain the speed he seems to think he is driving.
Jesus Denver drivers will cut in front of you with a hair of space and not even blink. I don't think I puckered so much in my whole life.
I have callouses on my hands from driving.
I am NEVER making this drive alone with these two kids again.
I feel like a one armed tour director.
JESUS son, work with me here. If I give you something to do, do it, don't quarterback it to the door so when I open the door at the pit stops all this shit falls out on me.
Wait, how much play-dough did Evie just eat? God, I hope I don't see that later.
So as you can imagine it was a long trip.
So now we are here, living hotel life, for at least two weeks, we close on the house and while we still have another two weeks in the hotel, at least we can go over to the house and explore the neighborhood and paint some walls. So far, I don't mind the hotel life. I haven't let the maid in yet, and I've survived my first lunch. If Lukas would sleep past 8 that would be nice. One of the BEST parts is that the hotel has a dinner provided three days a week. So three days a week I don't have to worry about what to make for dinner.
The downside is that we have four carloads (I sent Seth with truckloads on both of his trips back to Omaha) of junk just piled in every nook and cranny of our room, so I feel bad making them trying to work around our shit, but one thing we remembered about our first stay here was the tiny ass trash cans so we brought a giant one and now I to figure out how to empty it since it is stinking up the whole damn room.
I also have to fight every day not to have a complete emotional breakdown over leaving my family and friends. But yesterday I lost that battle, luckily after I had the kids asleep and I was in my bath.
So here we are on day 1. So far everyone is in one piece, we had mac and cheese for lunch, and we went for a walk with minimal drama, and we missed the maid. So I'm putting today in the win column.
Love, (that day one was do able),
Carrie
The steady time of being unknown,
in solitude, without friends,
is not a steadiness that sustains.
I hear your voice waver on the phone:
Haven't talked to anyone for days.
I drive around. I sit in parking lots.
The voice zeroes through my ear, and waits.
What should I say? There are ways
to meet people you will want to love?
I know of none. You come out stronger
having gone through this? I no longer
believe that, if I once did. Consider a move,
a change, a job, a new place to live,
someplace you'd like to be. That's not it,
you say. Now time turns back. We almost touch.
Then what is? I ask. What is?”
― Michael Ryan, New and Selected Poems
That's right people, a new chapter has started, we moved to Colorado Springs. For Seth's work. And I am trapped in a 500 foot hotel room for thirty days with my two small children. Which is loads better than yesterday when I was was trapped in a car for 600 miles with two small children.
Being the responsible wonderful mother that I am, I abstained from my addiction, Facebook updating. But I had a LOT of moments where I wanted to update my rampant thoughts.
Like the following:
Whoever gave my daughter 650 stickers for her birthday, THANK YOU, she has been quietly placing them on paper for 200 miles now.
My husband's cruise control is broken, or his foot is, because he cannot maintain the speed he seems to think he is driving.
Jesus Denver drivers will cut in front of you with a hair of space and not even blink. I don't think I puckered so much in my whole life.
I have callouses on my hands from driving.
I am NEVER making this drive alone with these two kids again.
I feel like a one armed tour director.
JESUS son, work with me here. If I give you something to do, do it, don't quarterback it to the door so when I open the door at the pit stops all this shit falls out on me.
Wait, how much play-dough did Evie just eat? God, I hope I don't see that later.
So as you can imagine it was a long trip.
So now we are here, living hotel life, for at least two weeks, we close on the house and while we still have another two weeks in the hotel, at least we can go over to the house and explore the neighborhood and paint some walls. So far, I don't mind the hotel life. I haven't let the maid in yet, and I've survived my first lunch. If Lukas would sleep past 8 that would be nice. One of the BEST parts is that the hotel has a dinner provided three days a week. So three days a week I don't have to worry about what to make for dinner.
The downside is that we have four carloads (I sent Seth with truckloads on both of his trips back to Omaha) of junk just piled in every nook and cranny of our room, so I feel bad making them trying to work around our shit, but one thing we remembered about our first stay here was the tiny ass trash cans so we brought a giant one and now I to figure out how to empty it since it is stinking up the whole damn room.
I also have to fight every day not to have a complete emotional breakdown over leaving my family and friends. But yesterday I lost that battle, luckily after I had the kids asleep and I was in my bath.
So here we are on day 1. So far everyone is in one piece, we had mac and cheese for lunch, and we went for a walk with minimal drama, and we missed the maid. So I'm putting today in the win column.
Love, (that day one was do able),
Carrie
Monday, November 5, 2012
At every party there are two kinds of people - those who want to go home and those who don't. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.
This weekend we had a diaper keg for our upcoming bundle of joy. Oh that's right, I've been away so long, anyone who isn't my friend on facebook doesn't know that we are expecting a little boy at the beginning of January. Needless to say we are so grateful and excited. Okay by we I mean Seth and I. Evelynn's excitement varies on the day of the week.
Anyway, because having another shower would have been tacky and greedy, we had a diaper keg, which was the brilliant suggestion of my bestie Kathy. You bring a package of diapers, you get a cup for the keg. Plus there was lots of great food and cake. Here is a picture of the cake.
It was AMAZING. It had, I kid you not, at least a inch of delicious frosting and super moist marble cake. I'm still kicking myself for not being my grandma and bringing my own tupperware to a party to take some home.
Needless to say, from now on, I'm bringing my own tupperware to parties and I owe my grandmother an apology for mocking her genius.
But one thing I learned from the party is that my friends have kids now. LOTS of kids. Like when we get together, the kids take over. So here is what I need to remember for when we set up baby boy's "Brew and View" (its like a sip and see which is a southern thing I'm told, you come see the baby and you drink tea, except in my life, you get a beer, hence, the keg).
1. Get lots of kid friendly foods
2. Have kid friendly glasses (Kathy's carpet is now permanently green)
3. Have an area for just the kids which includes toys for all ages, a tv, and a table (luckily Kathy has a swing set, unluckily it was colder than hell out)
4. Have an adult willing to look after those kids, or have it in a place the kids can be seen from the party but not heard. (This one is actually more difficult. But I noticed a lot of parents worrying about their kids and not enjoying themselves)
5. Party favors for kids. Kids like when you give them shit. Especially my kid.
6. Specify on the invite that you can bring your kids.
7. Have the party at a kid friendly time (like not around nap time or bedtime
And if you live in Nebraska, avoid having a party around the game at all costs or do, if you like people to gather around your television and ignore the pregnant lady in the kitchen demolishing the veggie tray, cheese tray, and cake.
I should have taken more pictures.
We are so grateful to our friends the Hagen's for having the party for us and all our friends for coming. And their kids.
Hopefully this is the start of my blogging again, but I'm not making any promises, this was just way too much to write on facebook.
Love (parties with good food and friends and family),
Carrie
Anyway, because having another shower would have been tacky and greedy, we had a diaper keg, which was the brilliant suggestion of my bestie Kathy. You bring a package of diapers, you get a cup for the keg. Plus there was lots of great food and cake. Here is a picture of the cake.
It was AMAZING. It had, I kid you not, at least a inch of delicious frosting and super moist marble cake. I'm still kicking myself for not being my grandma and bringing my own tupperware to a party to take some home.
Needless to say, from now on, I'm bringing my own tupperware to parties and I owe my grandmother an apology for mocking her genius.
But one thing I learned from the party is that my friends have kids now. LOTS of kids. Like when we get together, the kids take over. So here is what I need to remember for when we set up baby boy's "Brew and View" (its like a sip and see which is a southern thing I'm told, you come see the baby and you drink tea, except in my life, you get a beer, hence, the keg).
1. Get lots of kid friendly foods
2. Have kid friendly glasses (Kathy's carpet is now permanently green)
3. Have an area for just the kids which includes toys for all ages, a tv, and a table (luckily Kathy has a swing set, unluckily it was colder than hell out)
4. Have an adult willing to look after those kids, or have it in a place the kids can be seen from the party but not heard. (This one is actually more difficult. But I noticed a lot of parents worrying about their kids and not enjoying themselves)
5. Party favors for kids. Kids like when you give them shit. Especially my kid.
6. Specify on the invite that you can bring your kids.
7. Have the party at a kid friendly time (like not around nap time or bedtime
And if you live in Nebraska, avoid having a party around the game at all costs or do, if you like people to gather around your television and ignore the pregnant lady in the kitchen demolishing the veggie tray, cheese tray, and cake.
I should have taken more pictures.
We are so grateful to our friends the Hagen's for having the party for us and all our friends for coming. And their kids.
Hopefully this is the start of my blogging again, but I'm not making any promises, this was just way too much to write on facebook.
Love (parties with good food and friends and family),
Carrie
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
“Half of being smart is knowing what you’re dumb at.”
I have a feeling I'm turning into every other Mommy blogger out there, because every time I sit down to make a blog post, all I can think about doing, is complaining about the cartoons I watch with Evelynn. You may have noticed, but I'm super cynical. So I have all of these observations about the craziness that is these tv shows. And the life inaccuracies they show. Oh and the attitude of a lot of the characters. But then the other day, our home visit nurse sent me a link that the government uses to test kids intelligence levels (ok that's not the pc term but I can't remember it right now.) Anyway Evelynn tested at age 3. I was blown away. Some of the things they were testing I know I didn't teach her. I mean we just sat down and learned the motions to itsy bitsy spider and I got exhausted after six minutes. After our lesson deteriorated into just me singing and Evelynn dancing I flipped on Nick Jr for her. Suddenly I found them teaching her some of the things I tested her on earlier. There went all my critiques. But if we are taking a moment to let me be an ass, seriously, what do I need to smoke to understand Yo Gabba Gabba?
Love (that TV can help me be a better Mom/Teacher),
Carrie
Love (that TV can help me be a better Mom/Teacher),
Carrie
Friday, February 3, 2012
“Don't agonize, organize.”
Everyone I'm getting organized today!! In an effort to make things easier for my visitors I've opened up three new blogs.
My first blog is where I will be posting all my pricematching information, including the weekly pricematching for Omaha and also the good deals you can find using coupons. You can find the blog here: http://carrie-onbaggagesavings.blogspot.com/
The second blog is where you will be able to find the menu planning I do. It is updated once a week, usually after the pricematching email goes out, since I try to use the information in the pricematching email to create recipes that are not only yummy but save you money!! You can find that blog here: http://carrie-onbaggagemenus.blogspot.com/
The third blog is where you will find all one billion of my photos that I have been taking. You can find that blog here: http://carrie-onbaggagepictures.blogspot.com/
I hope you will stop on by! If you have any questions let me know!
My first blog is where I will be posting all my pricematching information, including the weekly pricematching for Omaha and also the good deals you can find using coupons. You can find the blog here: http://carrie-onbaggagesavings.blogspot.com/
The second blog is where you will be able to find the menu planning I do. It is updated once a week, usually after the pricematching email goes out, since I try to use the information in the pricematching email to create recipes that are not only yummy but save you money!! You can find that blog here: http://carrie-onbaggagemenus.blogspot.com/
The third blog is where you will find all one billion of my photos that I have been taking. You can find that blog here: http://carrie-onbaggagepictures.blogspot.com/
I hope you will stop on by! If you have any questions let me know!
Saturday, January 28, 2012
"A man on a date wonders if he'll get lucky. The woman already knows."
The other night we went to a comedy show and the comedian asked who was on their first date and the some people stupidly volunteered that they were and even more information that they met on match.com.
I hear of people doing this more and more. I want to make jokes about it, but I think secretly I'm jealous. My husband I met because he told his coworker, who was my best friend's husband, that he was giving up abstinence for Lent. So my best friend's husband told him he knew a nymphomaniac. There were no qualifiers or warnings about each other's faults. Sometimes I think it would have been nice to receive that email before I married my husband, it would say things like: Seth is chronically late. He also has a tendency to pick out large facial hairs and throw them in your sink, but not wash them down. If you give Seth is own bathroom, he will never tell you it needs to be cleaned and therefore, makes cleaning it a hazardous task. But worst of all, when you tell Seth you need a nap and its his turn to watch your monster child, this is what you will wake up too:
I don't think that counts buster.
In all fairness, I'm totally sure my warning email would have said things like: loves to watch hours of tv and if not watching tv will spend hours reading books. Will constantly whine when her technology doesn't work. At least once a week, will call you crying begging you to come home and bring dinner because she couldn't possibly imagine putting a meal together when she can't even keep the kid from eating crayons. Even though she spends an hour putting together meal planning lists. Even though she is an avid coupon and deal seeker, she will go over budget at least twice a month, but will make it a big deal when she is actually under budget. Even if she is under only a dollar. She will also give birth to the most beautiful exasperating child on the planet earth.
Love (that my husband and I didn't meet on match.com),
Carrie
I hear of people doing this more and more. I want to make jokes about it, but I think secretly I'm jealous. My husband I met because he told his coworker, who was my best friend's husband, that he was giving up abstinence for Lent. So my best friend's husband told him he knew a nymphomaniac. There were no qualifiers or warnings about each other's faults. Sometimes I think it would have been nice to receive that email before I married my husband, it would say things like: Seth is chronically late. He also has a tendency to pick out large facial hairs and throw them in your sink, but not wash them down. If you give Seth is own bathroom, he will never tell you it needs to be cleaned and therefore, makes cleaning it a hazardous task. But worst of all, when you tell Seth you need a nap and its his turn to watch your monster child, this is what you will wake up too:
I don't think that counts buster.
In all fairness, I'm totally sure my warning email would have said things like: loves to watch hours of tv and if not watching tv will spend hours reading books. Will constantly whine when her technology doesn't work. At least once a week, will call you crying begging you to come home and bring dinner because she couldn't possibly imagine putting a meal together when she can't even keep the kid from eating crayons. Even though she spends an hour putting together meal planning lists. Even though she is an avid coupon and deal seeker, she will go over budget at least twice a month, but will make it a big deal when she is actually under budget. Even if she is under only a dollar. She will also give birth to the most beautiful exasperating child on the planet earth.
Love (that my husband and I didn't meet on match.com),
Carrie
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
500!!!
Welcome to my 500th post! I've been thinking a lot about this post. I love going back to reread my old posts. And I really want to get back to writing. I kind of think of the first 500 posts on my blog as a chapter or a book. And I'm ready to start the next chapter. The first posts were about a newlywed, a working woman, my first pregnancy, and my first days in motherhood.
My life has drastically changed now. I'm far from a newlywed, I'm an old hat at being a mother, I'm a three time miscarriage survivor, a pricematching couponing maverick, a experimental chef in the kitchen, and a facebook status update junkie. I still watch a ton of tv, but I have less opinions on it, as I'm usually multitasking thru it.
I have odd experiences being a mom, even odder couponing experiences, I want to be able to provide my experiences with miscarriage in hopes of providing comfort and identification with other miscarriage survivors and also to help their family and friends. I want to make you laugh, I want to make you giggle, I want to be real, but most of all, I want to write about me.
I hope I can live up to these expectations!!!
And if not, well, at the end of the day, my kid still loves me, especially when I have cheese in my hand.
Love (being able to share with you all),
Carrie
My life has drastically changed now. I'm far from a newlywed, I'm an old hat at being a mother, I'm a three time miscarriage survivor, a pricematching couponing maverick, a experimental chef in the kitchen, and a facebook status update junkie. I still watch a ton of tv, but I have less opinions on it, as I'm usually multitasking thru it.
I have odd experiences being a mom, even odder couponing experiences, I want to be able to provide my experiences with miscarriage in hopes of providing comfort and identification with other miscarriage survivors and also to help their family and friends. I want to make you laugh, I want to make you giggle, I want to be real, but most of all, I want to write about me.
I hope I can live up to these expectations!!!
And if not, well, at the end of the day, my kid still loves me, especially when I have cheese in my hand.
Love (being able to share with you all),
Carrie
Thursday, September 15, 2011
How is it she is stronger than I am? She's a baby! We are trying to help you!
Last night I watched the new show "Up all night" and while I liked it, there were parts I could do with out and parts I could do with more. Basically I wanted the show to be about how crazy it is to be a stay at home mom, after being a working woman. And how crazy it is to have a kid change your life. Because trust me, it can be pretty funny.
Here is an example of how my day goes.
7:15- Wake up and make my husband (who gets to escape, I mean goes to work) coffee, breakfast, and lunch. I also have to pack him a water bottle and his protein shake for the gym.
7:45- I usually eat something myself, because besides my job of being a parent, I also am on a mission to EAT EVERYTHING IN THE HOUSE and then cry at least daily about my jeans not fitting.
While I'm devouring breakfast, I usually check the blog roll for my couponing fix. I also stalk all my friend/ex coworkers on facebook and secretly scowl in jealously about their posts about being on their way to work or what a long workday they have ahead of them.
8:00- Seth leaves for work, I go back to bed. I should stay up and do productive stuff. I've secretly thought of trying one of those work at home programs where I would answer service phone calls about websites or something, because trust me, we could use the money. But knowing my kid, she would wake up right as I sign in. Because my kid can't sleep alone. She is like me. She is a cuddler and if she reaches out to pinch your neck and you aren't there CHAOS ENSUES. Usually before I get back in bed, I refill her milk and change a ginaormous pee pee diaper, because if I don't she usually pees out her diaper and then I have to change the sheets and lysol the mattress.
10:30 or 11- By this time I've slept too much and feel like I need to sleep all day but of course the kid sits up and starts poking me and talking to me and torturing whatever cat has braved sleeping next to me. I have a sleep hangover headache but force myself up anyway. The last few days she has been getting up at 9 and 10 and I've been turning PBS on, handing her her milk and going back to sleep for an hour. When I get up the first thing I have to do is pee. Then I have to sit the kid on the toilet, because according to everyone who knows everything consistency is the key in potty training.
She sits on the can with the radio on, her books, and a ottoman to prop her feet up (because the kiddie stools don't help with tiny legs) for about 20 minutes. I get dressed, wash out the milk container, pick out her clothes and a new diaper. I turn on the PBS in the living room for her because if I don't MELTDOWN ENSUES and usually a cat is harmed in the process. I open the screen door to give the cats the freedom they beg for and then stand there for a minute longingly looking out the door envying their sojourn in the grass.
Then I hear "MA!? MAAAAAA!!!" signalling to me that Evelynn is ready to get off the can. I take her off and wipe everything down and pray that she hasn't reached something and tossed it in between her legs. I put the toilet paper back on the holder since Evelynn really really likes wiping her lady bits and will use a whole roll to do so. By this time Evie reminded me that she gets to brush her teeth in the morning aka suck toothpaste of her toothbrush and mimic brushing her teeth when I scold her.
Then we go into living room and I change her diaper and clothes. And try not to get in the way of her cartoons. Lest I get screeched at. Then I go to start lunch.
12:00 - I used to make Evelynn her own special lunch. Healthy and wonderful and loving and all I'm a good mom-ish. Evelynn never ate it. I would eventually give up and chalk it up to "she isn't hungry and is just going to graze like the doctor said" and make my own lunch, sit down and commandeer the TV. Here comes Evelynn with her mouth wide open and her little hand signing please like she is dying of starvation. *sigh*
I feed her most if not all of my lunch and go into the kitchen to clean up and start my electric kettle for my fourth pot of hot tea.
Evelynn has also consumed most of my hot tea. No matter how much I admonish her that it is "Hot" or that it is "Mommy's". She will put her little mouth over my giant mug and huff into the cup repeatedly and slurp it down. Back off and exclaim "OW" and then go back for more. Once she ran off and came back with a straw. God know where she got it or how long it had been in said secret place or what it was used for previously or how much mold may have accumulated on the inside of the straw.
1:00- At this point in the day I realize I have forgotten some vital part of my personal routine. I have forgotten to wash my face, brush my teeth, or most days, put on pants. Hopefully I haven't learned of this misstep because I went out to the mailbox and the workmen across the street trying to save the roof of the house they screwed up but only work on one day a week stared at me in abject horror. But most days, that's when I found out.
The rest of our day is up in the air. Some days, blessed days we have playdates or cooking dates with other moms. But those are getting few and far between since the truck broke down and my husband can't be bothered to fix it. Also since my kid started biting other kids and drawing enough blood that it requires the first aid kid.
Most days I make a mental list of all the things a good stay at home mom/wife would do like clean the house or make a structured school day to teach my toddler everything she needs to blow the other kids out of the water at preschool and then I lay on the couch and watch PBS cartoons or Little Einsteins or Garfield. And cuddle under the duvet with the kid. Checking my phone and stalking my friends on facebook and admonishing them mentally for not being more interesting and posting as much as I do in a day. I post random thoughts and get myself blocked from about 99% of my friends news feeds.
Sometimes I get a wild hair and work on the 1000 embroidery or crotchet projects I have started as Christmas presents and am no where near finishing.
I check the blog roll and do some couponing.
I count the seconds until Seth comes home, but there is never a definite on that so I count the seconds until the real world gets off work and I can start bugging them.
I send about 400 emails and texts from my phone. Usually of the kid doing cute things.
At some point in the day, if the weather is nice, we take the wagon to the park and Evelynn plays and eats rocks and I try to read a book. Sometimes we take a full walk and sometimes I go to the backyard and work in the garden or pick up rotten apples.
I've usually spent a good portion of the day yelling at Evelynn for doing something horrible and thrown her in time out. Then spent 10 minutes cuddling and explaining to Evelynn why she can't bite/throw things at peoples heads/dump snacks on the floor/spit apple juice at me/hit me/lay on the cats/mess with my phone or the laptop/pinch my neck/mess with the remote/eat cat food/eat cat poop/rip pages out of books/eat foam/hang from the oven door/draw on herself with a pen/use scissors to cut holes in her sweatpants.
There is also the drama of various personal maintenance chores for Evelynn. Cutting fingernails or toenails is an almost daily task since I can only hold her down for so long before her screams of holy terror cause the neighbors to come by to make sure I am not covering her little body up in the bathtub with cat litter. That is usually the length of one hand. Then there is brushing her hair and trying to keep it out of her eyes or keeping her from ripping out the barrettes or ponytail holders I spent hours wrestling her down and putting in her hair in an attempt to make her look like she didn't just get let out of the closet for the first time in a month.
We've also spent at least 50% of the day in the bathroom coaxing out poops or pees following the complicated routine of setting her up in the bathroom (radio on, books and laptop, moving the toilet paper out of reach, moving anything that she can fit between her legs out of reach, move the shower curtain out of reach, plop her on the toilet, sing the song, and walk away because she doesn't like you to watch, then walk by the door pretending to look busy and making sure she hasn't thrown anything in the toilet or gotten off because sometimes if you leave her too long she gets off and then wipes her ass on the seat and the floor and the ottoman-FUN).
I also spend a good portion of the day changing her clothes after she rubs food or spills on them, finding and putting back on her socks, chasing her around to wipe her face off and ultimately failing while she uses my shirt or the couch or a cat as a napkin instead.
Seth usually calls around 7 to tell me he is on his way home. Some days his brother shows up and takes her for an hour and then mows the lawn. Some days my parents rescue me, I mean her. Some days, when I have a vehicle I get to go shopping with her or to my folks to let her run around and destroy her house.
But on the days that we can't escape and Seth is on his way home I spend that 25 minutes (because he drives slower than a drunk blind man driving) running around picking up the house and trying vainly to make it look like I didn't spend most of the day laying on the couch in defeat or chasing around the kid screaming at it, or hiding behind the laptop listening to pitbull and forcing our kid to perform for the camera. Or that I spent half the day scheming on how to go back to work.
Usually he walks in the door and Evelynn runs up to hug him and I'm free to start dinner or do whatever it is that I need to do to detox my brain from mom mode, usually watch Anderson and Ellen. We eat dinner, play around, talk about our days, sometimes we go for a walk.
At 9 we alternate on who gets to do Evelynn's bed time routine. She gets a long bath and someone gets to wrestle a diaper and pj's on her and lotion her down and brush her hair. Then she gets to watch Sesame Street on Netflix in the bedroom by herself and Seth and I spend that hour watching our own shows. Lucky days she falls asleep on her own, but usually after one Sesame Street one of us has to go in there and lay down with her until she falls alseep. Usually that is Seth while I take a bath.
I spend the next few hours, because Seth is usually asleep too, reading my kindle, playing scrabble, eating food in the kitchen, trying to turn my brain off.
So that is what "Up All Night" should be about. The hilarious moments where you are chasing a naked kid out into you backyard while the neighbors sit on there deck and smoke cigarettes.
I know it sounds like a lot of complaining, but you know what makes it worth it? When your kid says something you have been trying to teach them for months, or when she smiles at you for no reason, or runs up to hug you and give you a kiss, or laughs at you when you are at that moment between utter defeat or hysterical laughter, or when she is sleeping at the end of the night, clearly exhausted, and cuddles up to you and sighs a sigh of perfect content. Those are the moments that make being a new stay at home mom completely worth it and they cancel out all those other moments where you thing to yourself "WHAT WAS I THINKING NOT WORKING??"
Love (being a stay at home mom),
Carrie
Here is an example of how my day goes.
7:15- Wake up and make my husband (who gets to escape, I mean goes to work) coffee, breakfast, and lunch. I also have to pack him a water bottle and his protein shake for the gym.
7:45- I usually eat something myself, because besides my job of being a parent, I also am on a mission to EAT EVERYTHING IN THE HOUSE and then cry at least daily about my jeans not fitting.
While I'm devouring breakfast, I usually check the blog roll for my couponing fix. I also stalk all my friend/ex coworkers on facebook and secretly scowl in jealously about their posts about being on their way to work or what a long workday they have ahead of them.
8:00- Seth leaves for work, I go back to bed. I should stay up and do productive stuff. I've secretly thought of trying one of those work at home programs where I would answer service phone calls about websites or something, because trust me, we could use the money. But knowing my kid, she would wake up right as I sign in. Because my kid can't sleep alone. She is like me. She is a cuddler and if she reaches out to pinch your neck and you aren't there CHAOS ENSUES. Usually before I get back in bed, I refill her milk and change a ginaormous pee pee diaper, because if I don't she usually pees out her diaper and then I have to change the sheets and lysol the mattress.
10:30 or 11- By this time I've slept too much and feel like I need to sleep all day but of course the kid sits up and starts poking me and talking to me and torturing whatever cat has braved sleeping next to me. I have a sleep hangover headache but force myself up anyway. The last few days she has been getting up at 9 and 10 and I've been turning PBS on, handing her her milk and going back to sleep for an hour. When I get up the first thing I have to do is pee. Then I have to sit the kid on the toilet, because according to everyone who knows everything consistency is the key in potty training.
She sits on the can with the radio on, her books, and a ottoman to prop her feet up (because the kiddie stools don't help with tiny legs) for about 20 minutes. I get dressed, wash out the milk container, pick out her clothes and a new diaper. I turn on the PBS in the living room for her because if I don't MELTDOWN ENSUES and usually a cat is harmed in the process. I open the screen door to give the cats the freedom they beg for and then stand there for a minute longingly looking out the door envying their sojourn in the grass.
Then I hear "MA!? MAAAAAA!!!" signalling to me that Evelynn is ready to get off the can. I take her off and wipe everything down and pray that she hasn't reached something and tossed it in between her legs. I put the toilet paper back on the holder since Evelynn really really likes wiping her lady bits and will use a whole roll to do so. By this time Evie reminded me that she gets to brush her teeth in the morning aka suck toothpaste of her toothbrush and mimic brushing her teeth when I scold her.
Then we go into living room and I change her diaper and clothes. And try not to get in the way of her cartoons. Lest I get screeched at. Then I go to start lunch.
12:00 - I used to make Evelynn her own special lunch. Healthy and wonderful and loving and all I'm a good mom-ish. Evelynn never ate it. I would eventually give up and chalk it up to "she isn't hungry and is just going to graze like the doctor said" and make my own lunch, sit down and commandeer the TV. Here comes Evelynn with her mouth wide open and her little hand signing please like she is dying of starvation. *sigh*
I feed her most if not all of my lunch and go into the kitchen to clean up and start my electric kettle for my fourth pot of hot tea.
Evelynn has also consumed most of my hot tea. No matter how much I admonish her that it is "Hot" or that it is "Mommy's". She will put her little mouth over my giant mug and huff into the cup repeatedly and slurp it down. Back off and exclaim "OW" and then go back for more. Once she ran off and came back with a straw. God know where she got it or how long it had been in said secret place or what it was used for previously or how much mold may have accumulated on the inside of the straw.
1:00- At this point in the day I realize I have forgotten some vital part of my personal routine. I have forgotten to wash my face, brush my teeth, or most days, put on pants. Hopefully I haven't learned of this misstep because I went out to the mailbox and the workmen across the street trying to save the roof of the house they screwed up but only work on one day a week stared at me in abject horror. But most days, that's when I found out.
The rest of our day is up in the air. Some days, blessed days we have playdates or cooking dates with other moms. But those are getting few and far between since the truck broke down and my husband can't be bothered to fix it. Also since my kid started biting other kids and drawing enough blood that it requires the first aid kid.
Most days I make a mental list of all the things a good stay at home mom/wife would do like clean the house or make a structured school day to teach my toddler everything she needs to blow the other kids out of the water at preschool and then I lay on the couch and watch PBS cartoons or Little Einsteins or Garfield. And cuddle under the duvet with the kid. Checking my phone and stalking my friends on facebook and admonishing them mentally for not being more interesting and posting as much as I do in a day. I post random thoughts and get myself blocked from about 99% of my friends news feeds.
Sometimes I get a wild hair and work on the 1000 embroidery or crotchet projects I have started as Christmas presents and am no where near finishing.
I check the blog roll and do some couponing.
I count the seconds until Seth comes home, but there is never a definite on that so I count the seconds until the real world gets off work and I can start bugging them.
I send about 400 emails and texts from my phone. Usually of the kid doing cute things.
At some point in the day, if the weather is nice, we take the wagon to the park and Evelynn plays and eats rocks and I try to read a book. Sometimes we take a full walk and sometimes I go to the backyard and work in the garden or pick up rotten apples.
I've usually spent a good portion of the day yelling at Evelynn for doing something horrible and thrown her in time out. Then spent 10 minutes cuddling and explaining to Evelynn why she can't bite/throw things at peoples heads/dump snacks on the floor/spit apple juice at me/hit me/lay on the cats/mess with my phone or the laptop/pinch my neck/mess with the remote/eat cat food/eat cat poop/rip pages out of books/eat foam/hang from the oven door/draw on herself with a pen/use scissors to cut holes in her sweatpants.
There is also the drama of various personal maintenance chores for Evelynn. Cutting fingernails or toenails is an almost daily task since I can only hold her down for so long before her screams of holy terror cause the neighbors to come by to make sure I am not covering her little body up in the bathtub with cat litter. That is usually the length of one hand. Then there is brushing her hair and trying to keep it out of her eyes or keeping her from ripping out the barrettes or ponytail holders I spent hours wrestling her down and putting in her hair in an attempt to make her look like she didn't just get let out of the closet for the first time in a month.
We've also spent at least 50% of the day in the bathroom coaxing out poops or pees following the complicated routine of setting her up in the bathroom (radio on, books and laptop, moving the toilet paper out of reach, moving anything that she can fit between her legs out of reach, move the shower curtain out of reach, plop her on the toilet, sing the song, and walk away because she doesn't like you to watch, then walk by the door pretending to look busy and making sure she hasn't thrown anything in the toilet or gotten off because sometimes if you leave her too long she gets off and then wipes her ass on the seat and the floor and the ottoman-FUN).
I also spend a good portion of the day changing her clothes after she rubs food or spills on them, finding and putting back on her socks, chasing her around to wipe her face off and ultimately failing while she uses my shirt or the couch or a cat as a napkin instead.
Seth usually calls around 7 to tell me he is on his way home. Some days his brother shows up and takes her for an hour and then mows the lawn. Some days my parents rescue me, I mean her. Some days, when I have a vehicle I get to go shopping with her or to my folks to let her run around and destroy her house.
But on the days that we can't escape and Seth is on his way home I spend that 25 minutes (because he drives slower than a drunk blind man driving) running around picking up the house and trying vainly to make it look like I didn't spend most of the day laying on the couch in defeat or chasing around the kid screaming at it, or hiding behind the laptop listening to pitbull and forcing our kid to perform for the camera. Or that I spent half the day scheming on how to go back to work.
Usually he walks in the door and Evelynn runs up to hug him and I'm free to start dinner or do whatever it is that I need to do to detox my brain from mom mode, usually watch Anderson and Ellen. We eat dinner, play around, talk about our days, sometimes we go for a walk.
At 9 we alternate on who gets to do Evelynn's bed time routine. She gets a long bath and someone gets to wrestle a diaper and pj's on her and lotion her down and brush her hair. Then she gets to watch Sesame Street on Netflix in the bedroom by herself and Seth and I spend that hour watching our own shows. Lucky days she falls asleep on her own, but usually after one Sesame Street one of us has to go in there and lay down with her until she falls alseep. Usually that is Seth while I take a bath.
I spend the next few hours, because Seth is usually asleep too, reading my kindle, playing scrabble, eating food in the kitchen, trying to turn my brain off.
So that is what "Up All Night" should be about. The hilarious moments where you are chasing a naked kid out into you backyard while the neighbors sit on there deck and smoke cigarettes.
I know it sounds like a lot of complaining, but you know what makes it worth it? When your kid says something you have been trying to teach them for months, or when she smiles at you for no reason, or runs up to hug you and give you a kiss, or laughs at you when you are at that moment between utter defeat or hysterical laughter, or when she is sleeping at the end of the night, clearly exhausted, and cuddles up to you and sighs a sigh of perfect content. Those are the moments that make being a new stay at home mom completely worth it and they cancel out all those other moments where you thing to yourself "WHAT WAS I THINKING NOT WORKING??"
Love (being a stay at home mom),
Carrie
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
With each new day comes new strengths and new thoughts.
I think I might be ready to write this post...Maybe. Well at least I'm ready to say it out loud to the internets. Last month, I lost a baby. Here are the facts, because for some reason its easier to start with the facts...
We were about 12 weeks along when we found out. We went in for our twelve week check up and our first ultrasound and they could not find a heartbeat. When they went in for the ultrasound they saw a sac of blood under the placenta, indicating that my body was already breaking down and preparing to abort the baby. Our doctor (who throughout this I will saw was fantastic, as we knew she would be after our first pregnancy with Evelynn.) thought the baby died, based on its measurements, sometime around seven or eight weeks.
At first, right after they told us, I laughed and made inappropriate jokes. I kept telling them it was ok. That I knew something wasn't right.
At that moment, all I wanted was to crawl in a hole and die. All I could think about was having to tell all the people I promised Seth I wouldn't tell that I did tell that my baby was dead.
I have to sidebar here-
I struggled greatly with writing this post. One of the hardest parts of losing a baby during pregnancy, especially early pregnancy, is that no one talks about it. No one brings it up, no one asks how you are doing, no one but you seems to mourn your baby the same way you do.
Also because I wanted to share and hopefully connect with other people my age who this might have happened to. It seems like the only people who talk about having miscarriages are people who had them 20 years ago. Making it hard for me to connect. I also have trouble connecting because the way we "evacuated the fetus" is by a new pill/at home method called cytotec, where most people opt for the D&C. There were too many risks associated with that procedure for me. So when I read blogs or talk to people they had the d&c and we did the at home pill, its hard for me to connect.
So that's why I've come out. Today I read that miscarriage is called "the silent sorrow" and I find that to be a very accurate statement. But I don't want to be silent anymore.
I also read that a good way to combat the post partum depression is to journal and since this my journal I will try to write here.
So that's where I'm at emotionally. Some days are good but I'm still having more bad than good. Mostly its the nights that are the hardest, when the world gets quiet and there is no busy work or handful one year olds to occupy your mind. And there is rarely anyone to talk to when your brain runs away with you into the irrational.
So that's all I can muster to ramble. I hope later I can write more cohesive thoughts that can actually help people!
Love (getting it out there),
Carrie
Friday, April 8, 2011
A colt is worth little if it does not break its halter.
So my kid is a bully. And she is bossy. We had a play date this week where my kid ate dirt, fish hooked a little boy and pulled him around, stole toys, climbed into other Mom's laps when they were trying to interact with their kids and got in their faces. She ate dirt out of the plants around the house, destroyed beautiful picture displays, and made EVERY SINGLE KID AT THE PLAY DATE CRY.
Luckily, I was there with my good, patient, understanding (PLEASE STILL HANG OUT WITH US!!!) Mom friends Jen and Kelley and their intelligent, tolerant, beautiful (NO REALLY, PLEASE!!! DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE WITH HER!) kids. I linked their blogs so you can what a good mother looks like.
Honestly, I don't know what to do. I'm 1/3 of the way thru the discipline book Jen lent me. But all signs point to, you can't really discipline a one year old. Which means- no more eating out for the Hellbusch's.
We went to IHOP last week and Evelynn spilled syrup, a glass of water, was generally loud, screechy, and obnoxious. She kept "giving" the people in the booth packets of sugar. They asked to be moved. We were so embarrassed. Seth just kept his head down and shoveled food in his mouth while I spent the meal apologizing, shushing, unsticking things, swatting things out of her reach, and generally cursing Seth for saddling me with this kid.
But I still love him. And her. I just am going to be getting a lot of take out the next few years.
Speaking of my terrible child, I just caught her putting her socks in the toilet. I'd better go fish them out.
Hope you all have a great weekend!!
Love (my terrible child),
Carrie
Luckily, I was there with my good, patient, understanding (PLEASE STILL HANG OUT WITH US!!!) Mom friends Jen and Kelley and their intelligent, tolerant, beautiful (NO REALLY, PLEASE!!! DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE WITH HER!) kids. I linked their blogs so you can what a good mother looks like.
Honestly, I don't know what to do. I'm 1/3 of the way thru the discipline book Jen lent me. But all signs point to, you can't really discipline a one year old. Which means- no more eating out for the Hellbusch's.
We went to IHOP last week and Evelynn spilled syrup, a glass of water, was generally loud, screechy, and obnoxious. She kept "giving" the people in the booth packets of sugar. They asked to be moved. We were so embarrassed. Seth just kept his head down and shoveled food in his mouth while I spent the meal apologizing, shushing, unsticking things, swatting things out of her reach, and generally cursing Seth for saddling me with this kid.
But I still love him. And her. I just am going to be getting a lot of take out the next few years.
Speaking of my terrible child, I just caught her putting her socks in the toilet. I'd better go fish them out.
Hope you all have a great weekend!!
Love (my terrible child),
Carrie
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)