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May or May Not Monday

I may or may not have thrown a dinner party this weekend and came to several conclusions.  I failed to count for the need to have butts in chairs because I was serving spaghetti and meatballs.  I clearly need to find a better dining space for people when I throw parties.  Or serve shit on sticks so people don't have to sit down to eat. I also failed to properly maintain the kid factor.  I did nothing to entertain them and had not really thought of them eating.  I fed them first but few of them really ate, wanting to play more.  After that the children descended into mob mentality madness that has scarred the cats forever I'm afraid.

I may or may not have spent my entire Mother's Day in my bed.

I may or may not be planning to wash the sheets tomorrow.  After spending an entire day in them the are a little bit groady.

I may or may not be doing everything in my power to get a new car.  Scrimping and saving and begging my husband everyday.  We just need a bigger car, especially with visiting family and having to pick people up from the airport.  I may or may not have cancelled a vacation to save for this car, that's how badly I want it.  No NEED it.

I may or may not have a love hate relationship with TV from books. Like Game of Thrones.  I loved those books and to know what is going to happen next almost ruins the tv show for me.

I may or may not have cried during this week's episode of 16 & Pregnant.  Babies who have breathing problems and end up in the NICU hit way too close to home.

I may or may not also cringe when I watch 16 & Pregnant and see the parents go straight to formula.  I try really really hard not to be judgmental against Mom's who use formula, but something tells me these girls don't even try.

I may or may not need a nap.  Like lots of naps, successively.  I'm angry I wasted naps as a child.

I may or may not be getting VERY excited for my parents visit.

I may or may not be looking forward to the neighborhood GARBAGE sale this weekend.  UGH.  Hate GARBAGE sales.  And no, that is not a misspelling.

I may or may not have ended this post early to meet the "Monday" deadline.

May or May Not Monday

I may or may not hate myself for these being the only blog posts I can write consistently.

I may or may not be completely obsessed with being friends with my new neighbors next door.  Seth tells me I'm going to smother them and scare them away, but I'm hoping that they are just as lonely as I am and just as desperate for human interaction with people that don't shit their pants.  The thought of just shouting over the fence and having a conversation is something that seems so impossibly magical to me that I am dying to make it happen.  Plus she is just as completely un p.c. as I am.  And I think this will make for a great friendship.

I  may or may not be doing 50 things at once and getting none of them done completely.  For example I am in the office writing this, but I keep glancing around and seeing things I need to do, like address our "moving" cards and keep "squirelling!" and not finishing this post.

I may or may not want, more than anything a new fucking cellphone for Mother's Day.  Seth has already informed me he forgot mother's day completely.  Shit.

I may or may not be counting the seconds to Happy Hour at Sonic today.

I may or may not have had to take my son to the ER at 11 last night because he cracked his head open again.  I'm starting to worry he has a balance disorder.  My dad has one and I thought it wasn't genetic but now I'm thinking it is.  But I seriously do not want to go to the ER ever again.  Also I need to know where to invest in skin glue, in bulk.  Thank GOD we have made friends with our lovely neighbors mentioned above and I just happened to be Facebook chatting with her when Lukas rolled off the bed and caught the corner of the dresser.  I may or may not have taken him to a different ER then the one two weeks ago to avoid judgement.

I may or may not have stopped writing this post to drive to Sonic.

I  may or may not still wear shoes in the house and have yet to go barefoot because the carpet still grosses me out.

I may or may not be stopping this post to go take a nap.

Love (honesty, or not),
Carrie

May or May Not Monday

a.k.a the only thing I've done consistently in MONTHS

I may or may not despise my phone, almost enough to be okay to get a new one.  It spends most of its time on the charger and I turn into a raging banshee if anyone touches it.  I even get bent out of shape if people call me.  Not only do I hate talking on the phone, but now it causes my charger to shake and stop charging.  I may or may not be praying my husband gets a minute to get us new phones.

I may or may not be forcing my children to play together.  Which causes me much drama.  I spend a good portion of my day breaking up fights.  I'm starting to wonder if I'm doing the right thing here.

I may or may not have had a total breakdown Friday night.  To the point that I drank the leftover bottle of celebratory champagne left in the fridge.  I NEVER, RARELY EVER, drink.  The next day God rewarded me with 2 early rising children who just discovered that I unpacked their walking popper.

I may or may not have spent all day doing laundry because I fell back asleep after Evie handed me her night milk before I got a chance to put it back on the nightstand.  When I fell asleep the milk spilled for an hour.  So all my duvets were soaked thru.  And my dryer has started to smell again, I suspect to the constant use today.  But I'm so terrified of the stinky, toilet using Russians that showed up to fulfill our warranty contract that I hesitate to call them back out again.

I may or may not have fallen asleep because I spend most of my nights in anxiety ridden ANGST over the fact that my daughter has started sleeping in her own room.  She usually comes in around 5 am, but I usually have just come to peace with her being in the other room and fallen asleep myself by then.  I may or may not blame her sleeping in her room entirely on my husband.  But its not his fault, she does it mostly on her own.

I may or may not need a SAHM job.  I want a new car and new tvs and half of IKEA.  But legitimate ones of those that don't involve selling shit are few and far between.  This may or may not completely frustrate me.

I may or may not need to go break up a kid fight as we speak, cutting this blog post short.

Love (my kids),
Carrie

May or May not Monday

I may or may not be writing this Sunday night at 11 while watching Game of Thrones.

I may or may not find it frustrating to watch Game of Thrones, especially with my husband, because I've read the books.

I may or may not have had the worst Easter weekend, ever.

I may or may not be considering helmet for my son.

I may or may not have had to go to the ER, due to a pinky tip sized puncture wound on my son's head.

I may or may not be so sick of boxes, but even more sick of the crap in them.

I may or may not be seriously purging my shit.

I may or may not want Sonic and Target giftcards for the rest of my life.

I may or may not have actually made a half way decent Easter dinner.

I may or may not giggle when my atheist brother calls Easter "Zombie Jesus Day".

I may or may not be covered in painful bruises due to boxes and poorly navigating new placement of furniture.

I may or may not love my garden tub.

I may or may not have missed my Dad to the point I was almost sick when I had to sit in the hospital curtained area by myself with my son and hold him down while they put the glue on.  Or when my daughter was so upset for causing his wound that she kept saying "my apologies!  My APOLOGIES!" and was crying more than he was.

I may or may not be learning to love my kitchen.  Tonite I chose to do extra dish washing so I could watch the kids play in the backyard.  Shortly after I turned away and my son chose to eat concrete for the second time this weekend, I suspect aided by his sister, but we can't get a straight story from her.

I may or may not have enjoyed my time in the ER because it was the first time I sat down, besides seven minutes for dinner, all day.

Love (dreaming about not having to unpack boxes),
Carrie

May or May Not Monday

It's time for May or May Not Monday!  Visit my inspiration at her blog for her weekly confession.

I may or may not have been appalled when I saw the washer and dryer that came with our house.  It was circa 1995 at least.  They didn't match and they looked like the kind of washer and dryer that NEVER DIE.  Seth told me that until they died, we couldn't even consider getting new ones.  I may or may not have said "challenge accepted" on Facebook, but in reality I may or may not have really liked the damn things once I started using them.  They were big and I am notorious for overloading my washer and dryer.  I could fit my king sized comforters with room to spare.
The dryer may or may not have started to royally fuck up our clothes, something is happening and it makes our clothes smell like we stood in front of the grill at a BBQ.  I tried changing the settings so there was barely any heat and no dice, still unbearable.
I may or may not be disappointed.
I also may or may not be totally grumpy about having to deal with the home warranty baloney that we will have to deal with to get it fixed.   Although I am very grateful that we got one.  But I was more hoping that it would be for something vastly more catastrophic, not my dryer that I was planning to use in the basement once I got new ones a few years from now.

Its our last week in the hotel and I may or may not be getting a bit sentimental and starting to think I will miss it.  Of course the maid service and the free breakfast and free dinner three days a week, I'm going to miss my lackadaisical attitude about spills, messes, and stains.  Yesterday Lukas may or may not have peed on the carpet while we were getting ready to go to the pool and I may or may not have shrugged my shoulders and walked away.  And I'm going to miss all that free hot water.

I may or may not be incredibly sad that we are missing Easter at my parents.  I may or may not have tried every possible way to try and make it work, but with our goods being delivered on Friday and Saturday there is just no way I can make it there and back.
I may or may not be able to tell my mom how sad it makes me because I'm so tired of making her sad about us not being there.

I may or may not get incredibly jealous when my friends and family do things together and then post pictures or talk about it on facebook.  I may or may not hope this passes, because it is completely not fair and I don't want everyone to mope around for years.  But I may or may not have wished people would just get together and talk about how much they missed me.

I may or may not have spent so much at Ikea that I'm afraid to ever go back there.  There person who actually spent so  much at Ikea may or may not have been my husband just throwing random things in the cart.  I may or may not be taking the blame because he has to keep up his Ikea hatred.  I think it comes with his man card.

I may or may not really dislike my son's attitude most of the time.  Where my daughter would just pout if we told her no, my son may throw epic fits complete with foot stomps, throwing things, flopping on the floor, screaming, and swinging fists.  He is also suffering from "if my sister can do it so can I".  I may or may not find this incredibly frustrating.  I may or may not be pretending that his sister never acted like this but I may or may not be mentally blocking it.  Like the pain of labor.

I may or may not have found an age spot under my eye and I may or may not be totally freaking out about it.  Especially since someone on facebook suggested that my joke that it may be cancer may actually not be a joke.

Love (hotel living),
Carrie

May or May Not Monday

I may or may not have stolen this idea from my lovely friend over at http://butamereshadow.blogspot.com/

I may or may not have stolen an obscene amount of shampoo, conditioner, soap, tea, milk, and paper towels from the hotel.  But they way I see it, we pay for it.  Also I'm collecting for all of the family and friends I am hoping visit us.

I may or may not have an appointment with the aquatics director at the Y closest to us today and I may or may not have talked myself in and out of cancelling it.  We already have a pool in our community and I don't see myself going to the Y or needing it unless Evie doesn't get into the free preschool.  I also may or may not like the rule that I have to be in the pool with her until she is like 8, even during lessons.  I also may or may not have a better plan for that money, like putting together my reading nook.

I may or may not have gotten so angry that my hotel didn't carry PBS that I binge watched the new seasons of "Call the Midwife" and "Mr. Selfridge".

I may or may not have gotten my necklace caught in the shopping cart while kissing Evie in Home Depot and broke the clasp.  I may or may not have had a total anxiety attack about it.  Its still not fixed and it is making me crazy.

I may or may not hate eating breakfast.  But because of the aforementioned may or may not, I may have to go down and get milk for the kids.

I may or may not have started being even more critical of my body since moving to Colorado.  I very rarely see an out of shape or overweight person and it makes me very self conscious.

I may or may not miss my family and friends so badly it almost hurts to talk to them.  But I may or may not get really upset when they don't call me or talk to me daily, as if I'm forgotten or not important to them anymore.

I may or may not have started showering in the morning. It started because Lukas likes to crap his pants and rub his breakfast all over his face.  Now there is a huge (minus Seth) family shower, I may or may not be sad about this ending once we move into the new house.  Water and towels are free here.  Not at the new house.

I may or may not be falling in love with my new house, especially since the new paint has gone up.  My husband's excitement may or may not be contributing to this.  He is so giddy and happy, its so great to see.

I may or may not worry about our new house, even though there isn't much in it, when we are not there.  I also may or may not worry about our hotel room because its where all our stuff is.  I can't wait until we are out of the hotel, but I may or may not miss quite a few things living here.

I may or may not be avoiding posting this because I feel like I have 100 more of these but can't think of them!

Love (new blogging routines),
Carrie

“Well, I know now. I know a little more how much a simple thing like a snowfall can mean to a person” ― Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

Today it is snowing.  And I mean it is SNOWING.  And it makes my heart incredibly happy.
You see because Colorado Springs totes that it gets 300 days of sunshine.  I was on week 2 of constant sunshine and my heart was starting to dry up.  Just shrivel.
BUT TODAY!
Today it is snowing.  Sometimes so hard I can't see out the windows and across the street to the parking lot full of trucks and SUV's.  Usually that lot is full of corvettes and and other sports cars.

I've spent the day doing family paperwork.  Changing addresses, making new doctor's appointments, requesting medical records.  Normally this would make me a hot mess of frustrated and bored.  But today, every time I'm told I need to use my non existent since 1999 fax machine to return a form SOMEONE FUCKING EMAILED TO ME, I look up and out the window to the snow and the mountains and the quiet and I'm okay.  I don't need to mainline a shot of loreazepam to make my next phone call.

I just need to look up.

Because its snowing today.

Tomorrow we close on our house, and my anxiety was THRU THE ROOF and I was overwhelmed and undecided.

But today, today it snowed.

And now I know, its okay here.  In fact, it does one of my favorite things here at random times.  And there aren't many mosquitos in the summer, or so I hear.  And the sectional I picked out will fit in the space I picked out for it.  And the owners left behind paint so we don't have to guess at the color we are going to use to cover up the TEAL walls in Seth's office.  And the laundry room is right next to the kids bedrooms and on their way to the bathrooms so they can strip down and put clothes where I don't have to haul them.  And I still love IKEA and it still has reasonable decorating options.  If I can tear myself away from the duvet section.  And all the windows open in my house so I can get a good breeze moving thru the house.  And my walk in closet can be turned into a reading/couponing nook.

I can see the bright side today, because the sun stopped shining and it snowed.

Love (snow),
Carrie

 

“The only thing worse than a boy who hates you: a boy that loves you.” ― Markus Zusak, The Book Thief

Today's post is about Lukas.  I realize that I completely neglected his story in my years of missed blogging.  This is Lukas:

Well at least that was Lukas when he was born.  But he still has that button nose and those blond eyebrows.
Wait I'll show you:

He like his sister was an early walker.  And since we co sleep, he's also a pretty good sleeper.  He was sleeping thru the night at about a month.  I can't say about how co sleeping makes me a better mother.

Lukas' birth was pretty minimal on the drama, not like Evie's.  I had to actually labor with Lukas which sucked big fat donkey balls.  Give me an induction and epidural straight to the vein when I walk in any day.

Lukas is so different from Evie.  I always thought gender roles were taught, but Lukas is all boy, its almost scary.
He runs head first into things, he is rough and tumble.  He likes high fives and  hugs only when he is tired.  he's already refusing to hold my hand when he walks.  
Lukas has the best smile and the brightest eyes.  He loves his sister and wants to do and be everywhere she is.  Much to her chagrin.  He isn't too much of a cuddler but he loves a good head bonk.  He also loves to eat about 12 times a day.  We joke that he is on his fourth dinner when he heads for bed at night and asks for a string cheese or cracker.

I've been writing this post for three days now.  I feel like I just can't capture his spirit and my incredible love for him and its madding.  Writing is so maddening sometimes.

Love (my boy),
Carrie

“No, this is not the beginning of a new chapter in my life; this is the beginning of a new book! That first book is already closed, ended, and tossed into the seas; this new book is newly opened, has just begun! Look, it is the first page! And it is a beautiful one!” ― C. JoyBell C.

Why does every story or advice about beginning a new beginning start with destroying the past?  Shutting the book, lighting it on fire and then pissing on the ashes as you screech away to your new "future"?

Whatever happened to "remembering your past, where you came from?"  When did loving the place that you were become so unhealthy?

Is it when immigrants were busy cooking their home foods for their families?  Working their fingers to the bones and asking their children who were slowly becoming "Americanized" to remember to honor their ancestors and their traditions and values?

My situation is not that extreme but it seems like every time I put something about missing my family and friends on facebook or I straight tell my family and friends that I miss them, I get told to move on, and to focus on my new life and my new future.  I'm told to get excited about my new house that I'm overwhelmed and underwhelmed with decorating.  I'm asked about my children's future, the school they will go to, what activities I'm going to put them in, when I'm going to get them back into the things they like to do.

You know what my kids like to do?  They like to go on hikes with their Grandma.  They like to eat big meals at my parents table and sit next to their Dad Dad and eat his special Dad Dad noodles made special for them alone.  They prefer to ride in my Dad's vehicle because its big and room and the doors light up fun colors and they can take a snooze without their mom screeching that they are ruining bedtime.  They like to dig holes in the garden, fill the bird feeders.  They like to get new clothes from their Aunt Pam and play with Cousin Colin.  They love to go to the YMCA and see Mr. Joey for preschool and pretend to be beside themselves with anguish when I leave them for an hour to workout in the kindercare.  And they LOVE LOVE LOVE to swim.  How do I get them back to that?  How do I make new memories without erasing the old ones?  The ones that are so important to me that they remember?  The past that I don't want them to forget.  The book they need to shut in order to start new?  The book I refuse to put back on the shelf because I don't think its done, I haven't finished writing in it.

This week we buy the house, my anxiety is so bad that I can hardly leave the hotel room.  I find that the fact I got out of bed a win today.  But the kids helped push that.  The kids and the maid who wanted to change the sheets.  I love fresh sheets.  If I won the lottery the first thing I would do would be to hire someone who would change my 4000 count sheets everyday.  Completely beside my point.

The point is, new beginnings don't have to completely destroy the past do they?  I'm not naive to think things won't change, but I'm hoping that in my effort to move to my new beginning, that I don't lose all the things I love about where I came from.

Love (my past),
Carrie

“being alone never felt right. sometimes it felt good, but it never felt right.” ― Charles Bukowski, Women

So today is the first day we go out and socialize, see other people.  Of course its people from Seth's work, so I'm sure we will be drowning in work talk and I will get horrible bored and be the only person paying attention to my kids destroy these people new house.
We have our own little community of ex-pats here, transplant from LM Omaha to LM Colorado Springs.  It seems though, that I'm the only wife stupid enough to get talked into living in a hotel room for 30 days with my tiny humans.

The room by the way, has taken on a funk.  I like to blame Seth for it.  One night we discovered the coolers really didn't "Keep things cold for 5 days!" as advertised so boldly on the giant stickers that no one ever takes off.  Why don't we take those off?  I went to take ours off and Seth looked at me like I was crazy.  What is there some kind of secret man instructions on there?

Anyway, we scrambled to rearrange the freezer to save the expensive meat that was more important than the frozen meals I was using.  Seth decided to cook cookies, then he decided to bake some bacon.  So our room has smelled terrible since.  That and the fact that we brought our own GIANT trash can but conviently forgot the lid.  So we have an open air trashcan, that admittedly, gets emptied once a day, but in 500 sq ft and one shit filled diaper and the weird cookie/bacon funk, means I've got the heat on and the windows open.

Also I am exceedingly grateful that the movers refused to pack the aerosol air fresheners from my stockpile and Seth just threw the box in the back of the truck.

I realized today after the maid came thru that she must think I have OCD.  We have our own vaccuum, and entire rubbermaid with cleaning supplies, a box of aerosol air fresheners, and gobs of hand sanitizer and hand soap.  I also pick up the room before I leave to make sure she can get clean whatever it is she is cleaning.  I mostly do it for the fresh sheets and towels.  Today though I was annoyed that there was still obvious small people kisses and hand prints all over the closet mirrors.  I know you have windex, and if you don't, there is a rubbermaid half full of it right there.

What week am I on anyway?  This is week three, right?  Right?  What do you mean barely week 2?

Love (when loneliness feels good),
Carrie

“Friendship is born at that moment when one man says to another: "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . ."” ― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

I didn't see my friends a lot when I lived by them in Omaha.  But now, for some reason, being further away from them and not having the ability to go out to dinner with them or see them for events makes my heart heavy.  I struggle everyday not to nag them to death about when they are going to visit.  Every email or text I have to delete the line "so let's get something on the calendar, when do you want to come out?"  I don't want to force anyone out here, I mean, I hardly saw you when I lived in town!

Yesterday I ventured out all by myself.  Well with the kids too.  The point is, I decided to go couponing.  I talked the kids into it with the promise of new balls and play-doh.  When it came time to vacate the room for housekeeping (who subsequently never came and I had to sit downstairs and extra hour after asking them to clean) I threw the kids in the car and fired up the GPS and we were off.  I was only nervous once, when the GPS didn't tell me in time to go left or right and I had to screetch across three lanes to turn left.  In the end with coupons I only spent 22 bucks for the whole day and came home with a good sized haul.  Mostly free wipes, which I always say I don't need but let's be real, I went thru a pack this week!

I should take the kids out today and let them play in the warm weather.  I wish there was a better place to let Evie ride her bike and Lukas run and fall.  The field behind the hotel is covered in dog bombs and brambles and thorns.

Lukas is starting to turn from a sweet little boy into a destructive heartbreaker.  He's started to refuse to hold my hand and spends most of his day smashing things or destroying them.  *sigh*  Its so frustrating because I feel like I've done something wrong as a mom, I'm pretty adamant about no hitting and hugs and kisses and lately Lukas has turned to straight out punching to get attention.  Instead of playing with toys he stomps them.  He's obsessed with wearing his tennis shoes and I usually have to wait until he is asleep to take them off.

In a completely different vein, here are some things I've wondered so far about Colorado-

Why are there so few trees?  Is it the desert thing?  Because there is a whole area on my map called the "Black Forest" and I find it hard to believe that trees can exist over there but not in my new yard.

Why is it so hard to find a speed limit sign?  I spent half of my adventure yesterday wondering what the hell the speed limit was.  I feel like I have a big "pull me over for a small offense" sign on the back of my car in the shape of my out of state license plate.

People are super friendly, seemingly happy, and skinny.  Where are all the chunky Coloradans hiding?

There are a surprising lack of Walmarts and a disturbing number of Targets.

The WIND!  The WIND!  Why is the wind so horrible?!?!  And random?  Why don't the weather reports mention that today you are going to have your car door blown shut on your leg?

Love (brave moments),
Carrie

“Children aren't coloring books. You don't get to fill them with your favorite colors.” ― Khaled Hosseini

I long for a door.  I mean it.  I never want a door and maybe a couple of feet of wall more in my whole life than I do right now.  Living in a hotel is hard, its harder when its basically one big room and the only room with a door is the bathroom and its cold and there are questionable spots of paint and caulking in there that I am sure are hiding mold.  Also the only place to sit is the toilet and the seat shifts out from under you in an effort to pinch your ass.  So at 7 in the morning when my husband leaves, it stirs the boy and within a half an hour he is awake.  His new style of waking up really pisses me off.  Its like he is still tired but his brain is awake so he has this fight with himself, and subsequently me that includes kicking and screaming and crying and carrying on as though his ass is on fire, when it clearly is not.  Nothing annoys me more.  Especially at 8 in the morning.
Sidebar here-I'm aware there are some kids who are even worse than mine and get up at the o-ass-crackery of dawn.  I pity you, I do.  But not really.  Because that is your kid and that's how your kid rolls.  My kid does not roll like that, usually.  One of the perks of co-sleeping, and let's be honest, its my top perk, is that your kids sleep as long as you do because they pattern their breathing and their REM around yours.  So I guess in effect, I've sleep trained my children to sleep in.  The fact that they are not doing what they are supposed to is seriously pissing me off.
So Lukas' little dramatic fit leads to me having to get up and eventually, leads to me doing things that wake up Evelynn.  God Bless her, if there is one part of me that Evelynn got it is the ability to sleep until 1 if I let her.  And like her mother, Evie isn't exactly pleasant.
So until about 12, we all sit around starring daggers at each other.
I long for a door.

“And the danger is that in this move toward new horizons and far directions, that I may lose what I have now, and not find anything except loneliness.” ― Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

I've noticed I watch the clock a hell of a lot more now than I did before.

And the clock moves slow.

Lukas hasn't been sleeping in like he was when we lived in my parents basement in a room with no windows and room darkening curtains on the french doors.
I always thought in my dream house, our bedroom would have french doors.  I know now that I have absolutely no need of french doors.  Zero.  They let in too much light and in the dark they reflect images that make me pee my pants a little.  So no, no more french doors in my dream house.  And french doors with curtains that cover the windows is completely counter to the purpose of them.  And tacky.  Besides the point.

I'm not a "light" person.  I'm very much a fall and winter person.  I like my days overcast and grey and my nights as pitch black as it can get.  I've been reading up on Colorado Springs and apparently they have 300 days of sunshine.  Fuck.  My third investment in the new house is room darkening curtains.  My second is a sectional for the living room, and my first is paint to cover up the HORRID pumpkin accent wall in the kitchen.  There are very few things I hate more in this world than anything pumpkin.  People who diddle and kill kids is above pumpkin on that list, but not by far.

I do a lot of thinking about a house I've only seen once for 15 minutes.  I feel like its another one of those rush decisions, like the money pit (aka Olive Street) that we may come to regret.  I hope not, but the fact that I don't even know how many drawers are in my bathroom scares me.

I'm obsessed with the mountains.  Its the one thing that makes me exceedingly happy so far.  I only wish that we were surrounded by mountains, not just the mountains on one side.  I want to innate my facebook with random mountain pictures, but as of yet, I've refrained.  Mostly because I only have seen one range of mountains on a quick walk with the kids, otherwise I haven't left the hotel since we arrived.  Hopefully we get out and about this weekend.  That is, if my husband ever comes home from work today.  How in the hell is it only 5?!!?

Love (mountains and darkness),
Carrie

“She took a step and didn't want to take any more, but she did.” ― Markus Zusak, The Book Thief

Consider A Move

The steady time of being unknown,
in solitude, without friends,
is not a steadiness that sustains.
I hear your voice waver on the phone:

Haven't talked to anyone for days.
I drive around. I sit in parking lots.
The voice zeroes through my ear, and waits.
What should I say? There are ways

to meet people you will want to love?
I know of none. You come out stronger
having gone through this? I no longer
believe that, if I once did. Consider a move,

a change, a job, a new place to live,
someplace you'd like to be. That's not it,
you say. Now time turns back. We almost touch.
Then what is? I ask. What is?” 
― Michael Ryan, New and Selected Poems

That's right people, a new chapter has started, we moved to Colorado Springs.  For Seth's work.  And I am trapped in a 500 foot hotel room for thirty days with my two small children.  Which is loads better than yesterday when I was was trapped in a car for 600 miles with two small children.
Being the responsible wonderful mother that I am, I abstained from my addiction, Facebook updating.  But I had a LOT of moments where I wanted to update my rampant thoughts.
Like the following:
Whoever gave my daughter 650 stickers for her birthday, THANK YOU, she has been quietly placing them on paper for 200 miles now.
My husband's cruise control is broken, or his foot is, because he cannot maintain the speed he seems to think he is driving.
Jesus Denver drivers will cut in front of you with a hair of space and not even blink.  I don't think I puckered so much in my whole life.
I have callouses on my hands from driving.
I am NEVER making this drive alone with these two kids again.
I feel like a one armed tour director.
JESUS son, work with me here.  If I give you something to do, do it, don't quarterback it to the door so when I open the door at the pit stops all this shit falls out on me.
Wait, how much play-dough did Evie just eat?  God, I hope I don't see that later.

So as you can imagine it was a long trip.

So now we are here, living hotel life, for at least two weeks, we close on the house and while we still have another two weeks in the hotel, at least we can go over to the house and explore the neighborhood and paint some walls.  So far, I don't mind the hotel life.  I haven't let the maid in yet, and I've survived my first lunch.  If Lukas would sleep past 8 that would be nice.  One of the BEST parts is that the hotel has a dinner provided three days a week.  So three days a week I don't have to worry about what to make for dinner.
The downside is that we have four carloads (I sent Seth with truckloads on both of his trips back to Omaha) of junk just piled in every nook and cranny of our room, so I feel bad making them trying to work around our shit, but one thing we remembered about our first stay here was the tiny ass trash cans so we brought a giant one and now I to figure out how to empty it since it is stinking up the whole damn room.

I also have to fight every day not to have a complete emotional breakdown over leaving my family and friends.  But yesterday I lost that battle, luckily after I had the kids asleep and I was in my bath.

So here we are on day 1.  So far everyone is in one piece, we had mac and cheese for lunch, and we went for a walk with minimal drama, and we missed the maid.  So I'm putting today in the win column.

Love, (that day one was do able),
Carrie