I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.

So I'm sick again. Joy. Here are some things I've noticed being home sick for two days.

1. My cats are insane. They spend 45 minutes chasing each other down and beating the shit out of each other and then they get on the bed, cuddle, clean, and nap with each other for an hour. They apparently have a very volatile relationship.

2. Daytime TV isn't as bad as it once was. There are like five of my favorite TV shows rerunning on various channels all day.

3. On Day two of being sick, sleeping all day isn't really an option.

4. Being sick when you are a kid is way different then being sick when you are an adult. No one wants to stay home and take care of you. Mostly people just want to quarantine you. Being sick when your pregnant is way different then being sick as an adult. You can't take anything you usually do to help you feel better and get on with the day. Like I would totally be at work right now, but sucking snot all day is not something my coworkers want to listen to. I guarantee.

5. I live in constant fear that the doorbell is going to ring and someone is going to break in. This may just be me though.

6. The commercials on daytime TV are much different then the ones on primetime. More medicine commercials. And this one where they ask if you dream in chocolate. I wish I dreamed in chocolate. How amazing would that be?

7. No one is as bored as you are, and most of them just want to do their jobs and not be bugged by you all day.

8. You have never wanted to get better faster.

Bean Blog

So I have a serious side of the Bean blog to explore with you all. I'm beginning to think that I may be suffering from pregnancy depression. Apparently it is common in 10-20% of pregnant women. It is also more common in women who have had trouble conceiving. (I've done a little research) I think the biggest wake up for me was being sick these past couple of days and not being able to take medicine and feeling this total resentment for the baby because of it. Also because I'm in CONSTANT fear of losing Bean. I am aware it's completely irrational, but I can't shut my head off. I was also struggling to get up and go to work every day. And then the guilt of not going to work and making money for the baby was eating me alive. I've read a few articles and I plan on talking to my doctor about it next week, but it seems to me that beyond talking about it and recognizing the depression and trying to get support-there isn't much they can do. But the hardest part for me, was reading everyone else's baby blogs and hearing how excited and happy they were, and no one talked about the overwhelming feelings, the anxiety, the constant worry. So for those of you out there who maybe struggling or if you become pregnant and you are struggling, just know you aren't alone. And I will try my hardest to stay sane and keep you informed on what my doctor says. Mostly I blogged this, even though it was a bit of a struggle to decide to do so, because I didn't want anyone out there to feel alone or crazy, like I did until I did a little research. Here is a good site I found about it, that explains it better- http://www.babycenter.com/0_depression-during-pregnancy_9179.bc

And now dear friends, after this confession, the cats have finally decided to stop beating the piss out of each other and I think we are going to attempt a little nap.

Love (my great support system),

Carrie