None are so busy as the fool and knave.

100 things about me-yeah I'm back to lists.

1. I was born really close to Thanksgiving, this has ruined many of my birthday parties growing up-however it has not ruined my love of Thanksgiving.
2. My parents have been married like 27 years or something. On their 25th anniversary they took us to Cancun. It was the first time I felt like a princess on vacation and now every other vacation pales in comparison-I’ve even put off my honeymoon because I’m afraid of the let down.
3. I’ve been to more schools then I care to remember, the only one I remember vehemently hating is the one in Peachtree City, Georgia. Which is strange, because I really liked living in Georgia…
4. I’m secretly worried about having to move out of my house when we need more space, because I am working really hard right now to get this one perfect, and I will rip my head off before I start all over again.
5. I am a obsessive compulsive eyebrow plucker-I blame Kathy who told me two years later that the school joke when I first moved to Augsburg was that I had a unibrow.
6. I used to think no one could tell that I dyed my hair blond-because my mom was blond. My dark brown eyebrows weren’t a dead give away or anything.
7. I have no tattoos and would really like someone to invent the tattoo parlor where they put you under to get one or at least gas you up really good. Come on they have dentists that do it.
8. My husband will not let me live vicariously thru him with my desire to have amazing tattoos-instead he wants things like Transformer logos on his wrists.
9. I fight the desire every day to put on my wedding dress-the only thing that stops me is how much I paid to get it stuffed in that tiny box.
10. I’m pretty sure if my husband doesn’t do my wedding remix idea in 5 years, I might have to find another man who DOES want to do it.
11. I’m currently obessed with Amazon’s MP3 download service. I’m not sure if it is because they have FREE SONGS or that they don’t charge me tax like the evil ITUNES when I do buy songs. Or five dollar album Fridays.
12. I am secretly jealous of Kathy because she shops at Target and not Walmart.
13. I don’t shop at Target because I’m a miser and I married a miser who has a BUDGET.
14. I make up names for things to make them more fun. At first my husband thought I was crazy-now he just goes with it.
15. I also make up songs for things and they are elaborate and I can come up with them on the fly. I think it’s a real talent-I credit my excessive exposure to rap music.
16. One time I was on the can and running a bath. I reached to turn of the water while still on the can and accidently crapped on the rug.
17. My family thinks that story is hilarious.
18. My brother especially-and now that I’ve told the world Jesse, this automatically makes up for the time I told your girlfriend in 6th grade that you peed in a can on a car trip and had to hold the can the rest of the trip. Which isn’t even as bad as my crapping on the rug story.
19. Listening to New Kids on the Block still turns me into a mushy pile of girl goo.
20. I have been known to adopt the language, phrases and gestures of the friends I love the most. My husband calls them girl crushes-I just pretend my super power is mimicry.
21. When Kathy graduated from High School my parents decided to take three teenagers in a mini van across the Midwest. My mom called it the “Great American Tour” we call her Clark Griswold to this day.
22. After 23 years my brother and I have finally harassed my parents enough to take us to Disneyworld.
23. I hate giving presents at Christmas. But I’m selfish.
24. If I actually have to think about typing-I fuck everything up.
25. It took me a long time to realize it was okay and totally kosher to have more than one best friend. And even longer to realize it was okay if some of those were my parents.
26. I think wearing high heels makes me feel 1000 times sexier.
27. The first thing I ever watched on Pay-per-View was Camp Nowhere, it was a huge event for me and my mom even let me have snacks in my room to watch it. I was so stressed by the fact that I only got it for a certain amount of time that I watched it over and over again for 12 hours straight.
28. Then I convinced myself it was a really good movie and lamented for weeks afterwards that I did not own it. Camp Nowhere is not a good movie.
29. The first CD I ever bought was “Woomp there it is” and I bought it for my brother on a shopping trip with my girlfriends and I got carsick on the way home.
30. I used to go to Taco Bell and order Taco’s with no meat after school in sixth grade for 59 cents, I thought it was the single greatest part of my day.
31. The first time I remember feeling like a cool, popular girl was in 9th grade-it was also the only time in my life when I had more than one girlfriend I could stand.
32. I hate that there isn’t a cooler name for a friend who is a girl. Why does saying it make me sound like a lesbian?
33. I tend to over exaggerate, a lot. Like enough that people who have known me a while just stop asking “was it really a 20 car pile up, or just one car that hit another?”
34. I love to listen to my parents tell stories about me when I was a kid. It’s like learning about a fun grandma you vaguely knew.
35. There is a guy at my work who cusses and then says “Excuse my English” instead of “Excuse my French”. I have daydreams of stapling his lips shut.
36. I don’t like it when the hairdressers talk to me. It must be why I only go once ever six months.
37. I have so many embarrassing moments in my life that I still turn bright red when I think about them.
38. The first thing I loved about my husband was his black truck, and when he told me it was a stick shift I immediately started keeping a mental list of things I loved about him and then I told him it 5 minutes later.
39. I got cockblocked by a dude at the first party I met my husband at. This guy was literally JOCKING my mack and he would step in front of me to talk to my husband. LOOK WHO WON YOU LITTLE SHIT!!
40. My mother is an Army Veteran and I’m so proud of her that once a year I send Oprah and Ellen and email to have her on their show so that I can show the world how cool she is.
41. My dad was a stay at home dad and I’m trying to write a book to honor the sacrifice he made to make me awesome.
42. I’m kind of disappointed none of my professors in college were uber hot and none of them tried to hit on me. Thanks to Lifetime, I thought that was what happened when you went to college.
43. I can multi-task like a superstar. In fact at this moment, I’m writing a blog post, working, chewing gum, listening to new music, drinking lemon water, and plotting dinner tontie.
44. I once tried to apply for the Peace Corps and was rejected for having no talents that they could use to help poor/needy people.
45. Apparently my extensive knowledge of pop culture and rap lyrics won’t help you grow plants to eat or dig wells-WHATEVER haters.
46. I actually only applied to the Peace Corps because I thought I could get tan and lose a lot of weight since I was sure it would be somewhere hot with a lot of sun and food I couldn’t eat.
47. I’m aware that is the most selfish statement ever-I like to think I’ve evolved from that person. At least a little.
48. I once was talking to my mom about my cervix and she misunderstood and thought I said clitoris. What followed was the single greatest conversation of my life-that she will never let me tell you.
49. I never was aware of my weight or even thought I had a problem with my weight until I dated a guy in college who commented on it more than I did.
50. I have double standards for pretty much everything I do.
51. I wish I could get paid to sleep, read books, and watch tv.
52. I think Eddie Izzard is the single greatest comedian of all time.
53. I like British comedy better than American comedy. Most of the time I don’t get American comedy.
54. I love to read historcial fiction.
55. I’m pretty sure if I were a super hero, my power would be some form of personality shifting so people liked me-because I’m really good at that. Most people wouldn't even recoginze the person I am at work.
56. I like one of my cats better than the other. I’ve decided that this will make my preference with our future children unavoidable.
57. I am secretly worried that I am infertile. I obsess about it on a daily basis.
58. Reading “The Phantom Tollbooth” made me fall in love with books.
59. I fantasize about being on American Idol and So You Think You Can Dance…a lot.
60. I think the worlds best judges panel for ANYTHING would be Simon Cowell, Tom Colicchio, Gordon Ramsey, Nigel Fuller, and Shane Sparks.
61. Sometimes I read recaps of shows I don’t like just so I can pretend I watched them and have something to talk with people about.
62. I hate my wedding pictures, I wish the were more candid and arty and modern. You could make them fuzz 70’s print and you would never know they weren’t my Great-Aunt’s wedding pictures.
63. I say hi to everyone I pass by at work and smile, even if I’m listing off the reasons I hate them in my head.
64. I am the QUEEN of snark.
65. I love blogstalking. I secretly pretend those people are my friends and talk about them to my husband like their entries are emails they sent me that day.
66. I’m disappointed more people don’t blogstalk me. Of course this is silly because the point of blogstalking is to be undected.
67. Sometimes I ask people their specific reactions to my entries.
68. I try to blog every weekday and feel like I let someone down if I don’t.
69. I don’t think anyone would notice if I didn’t.
70.I could listen to the Wallflowers “Bringing down the Horse” cd every hour of every day for the rest of my life. I’m not sure why.
71. I hate when I waste my time emailing people and they don’t email me back.
72. I secretly wish Facebook and Myspace would implode so I could get my life back and stop obsessing about who isn’t responding to my wall posts.
73. I’ve found as I’ve grown older, I still have a lot of repressed anger and regret that I can’t seem to shake.
74. It creeps me out when the old ladies at my work talk about their facebook accounts. And how its fun to use and look up people, like it’s a high school reunion with cocktails or something.
75. When I work out, I gain weight. Like five pounds a day. I don’t understand it and I don’t believe my husband (or any of you for that matter) that muscle weighs more than fat.
76. I will probably never get into golf like my family is into it.
77. I’ve been a vegetarian since I was eight.
78. I can’t spell vegetarian to save my life, thank God for spell check.
79. I find something satisfying about owning TONS OF BOOKS.
80. My husband gave me the best Valentine’s Day present ever this year-he let me go to the book store and buy whatever I wanted. And then we ate Mexican.
81. I love Mexican food.
82. I hate the sun.
83. And the heat.
84. I like telling people random things about myself.
85. Hence the survey
86. I can still remember how to pronounce my ninth grade boyfriends last name. Pol-chen-ski. He was Polish.
87. I am TOTALLY OBSESSED with Harry Potter and have been for years.
88. I randomly google ex-boyfriends and people I knew from high school. Usually I don’t find anything.
89. I randomly quote Eddie Izzard throughout my day and NO ONE gets it and that makes me sad.
90. I fight daily with dying my hair mahogany red like Addison on Grey’s or Neela on ER.
91. I was sure I wouldn’t make it too 100, but I’m really close.
92. I encourage my husband to find jobs in his company that are in Europe or Colorado-for some reason I think its going to be cool to live there. And that my parents and friends will come move down the street.
93. I’m sad its only 3 o’clock
94. If I didn’t have a job, I would stop washing my hair to see what happens.
95. I really want to be a legendary cook in my family and circle of friends.
96. I also want to be a really good photographer, at least good enough that my family pictures look like some form of art on my walls.
97. I hate bananas, but like saying the word.
98. If I don’t watch something off my DVR everyday, I start to have panic attacks.
99. That kinda makes me sad.
100. But not really.